WHO I AM, a little bit longer and I'll be fine
by Outoftheabyss
Summary: Claire has been a Jonas Brothers fan for a long time, and she clearly remembers why she became one. There's a reason, a painful reason. But dreams are meant to turn real and wishes are meant to come true.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue, Appreciate **

Claire put down her pencil and sighed. Her first week in high school was finally over. She looked down at the homework the new math teacher had assigned the class and frowned. She didn't get any of it. How was she supposed to know how to calculate an angle? She could tell already she wasn't going to be good at math. She picked up her pencil again and doodled something in the corner of her notebook. She was just finishing the arrow attached to the heart when she heard a quiet sobbing coming from downstairs in the kitchen. Claire stopped scraping her pencil across the paper and listened carefully. Wasn't her mom the only one home? The sobbing was coming closer. She was just about to stand up and ask what was wrong when the sobbing stopped, and her door slowly opened. It was her mom. Her face was red and her mascara smudged across her cheeks. With sad eyes and a slumping figure she opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again. Claire gasped, quickly stood up and walked to her mother.

'What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you crying?' She had never seen her mom like this before.

Her mother took another step towards Claire and closed her arms around her. Holding her tight, her face pressed into Claire's hair, she whispered:

'I don't know where to start. I don't want you to feel bad.'

Claire had no idea whatsoever what her mom was talking about. Why would she feel bad?

'I got a call tonight. A police officer... It's your dad.' At the word "dad", her voice broke and another big sob came out. Claire froze and pushed away from her mom. The panic was clearly visible in her face, her hands started to tremble.

'What happened to him?' she asked with a shaking voice. When her mother just shook her head, Claire lost control.

'Is he okay? Why isn't he home yet? Mom, tell me where he is!' she screamed, her voice getting louder by the second. But she didn't need an answer, she could see it in her mother's eyes. He was gone. A disturbing emptiness filled her body and with it, her life shattered into tiny little pieces. She sat down on her bed and swallowed back the lump rising in her throat. Her eyes started to sting, but she pushed away the tears. Furiously wiping her hand across her nose, she refused to let go of the last bit of control she had left. No crying, she whispered to herself. No crying.

That was 2006, she was twelve at that moment. The day after, a man came knocking at their door, the bringer of bad news they already knew. Like a bringer of rain that had already fallen. It turned out Claire's dad had been driving fast to get home soon. After all, he hadn't seen his wife and daughter since he left to go on a business trip two weeks ago. He wanted to make a quick call to his boss on his phone, but he never made it through. There was a truck, and then there was a crash. The ambulance came just in time to catch him saying that he loved his family and that he wished his daughter a sweet sixteen. When they heard that his daughter had just turned twelve years old, they hadn't understood. But Claire knew what he meant. She was always talking about how she wanted a big party when she turned sixteen. Sixteen, it would be the year of change. And the one big wish that came with the party was that her dad would be there. He was always working. Working, working, working. Always busy with his business, and almost never home. Now it was official, he would never be there. And the sweet sixteen turned out to be a sucking sixteen.

Her "sweet" sixteen had been a week ago. Obviously, her dad hadn't been there. And obviously, it hadn't been much of a party. She knew her dad wanted her to make what she could of life, he used to say to her when she was little: "Life is too short, so take the time and appreciate." But she hadn't felt the need to throw a big party when there was nothing to celebrate. She'd turned sixteen, yay, let's all move on now, please. Besides, all of her friends had moved away over the summer, and by all of her friends she meant two, and she had no one to celebrate with. Except her mom. And her cat, if that counts. She had gotten the DVD of the Jonas Brothers live concert experience and the two latest albums, the ones she asked for. The Jonas Brothers were one of the things that kept her going. The day her father died, she'd turned on the radio and the song "One day at a time" had blasted out of the speakers. Tears had welled up. Such emotion in those lyrics. And as all the Jonas Brothers fans know is that, ones a fan, always a fan. Claire Porter, official OJD patient. Tomorrow it was going to be her first day in her new class. New people meant new friends. And new friends meant new adventures.

Claire could not have imagined what was waiting for her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1, Dear God**

Claire was sitting at the same desk where she sat 4 years ago on august 7th, the day her father passed away. The strangest thing about that day was that she could remember the small irrelevant details, but not the big important ones. For example, she couldn't remember how she'd reacted to the news, or what she'd done afterwards. However, what she could clearly visualize was what they had eaten that night. Pizza with mozzarella and mushrooms. If she wanted to she could still taste it in her mouth, which was weird, since she hadn't eaten pizza since that day. For 4 years no pizza, it would sound crazy to most people. One thing she would die for to remember is the way her mother had picked up her normal life. For all she knew, her mom was a wreck one day and the other she was getting her teeth whitened for a brighter smile. But maybe Claire was wrong, after all Claire was the one who hadn't shed a tear over her father in all those years since he died. No crying, she remembered herself saying in her head, no crying. A promise she was planning on keeping. Crying made her feel powerless, vulnerable, weak. But most of all, sorry for herself. And she needed no sympathy. Now, she was sitting at that desk again, looking at a small piece of paper. It had been ripped from a checked notebook, and there was a heart with an arrow through it drawn on it. She lightly held it between her fingers and stared at the blank spots with three dots each at the begin and the end of the arrow. She'd done this too many times to keep track of. And she'd done this because she couldn't remember whose names had been meant to be written on those dots. The one small detail she couldn't remember, opposed to the one big thing she could remember. August 7th, the day she'd first heard the Jonas Brothers sing on the radio. All in all, it was a day she would never forget, in good ways and worse. Claire played around with the paper some more, but then her head snapped up. Her eyes widened at the sound of someone sobbing. Claire couldn't believe her ears. It was coming from downstairs, the kitchen, and it sounded just like that day in august. Mom? Claire shoved her chair back and walked to the door, opened it, and paused at the top of the stairs. The sound was obvious now, clearly it came from somewhere in the house. Claire ran down the stairs and turned left, shoving the kitchen door open. Her mother was sitting at the table, staring at a gun lying on the table surface. Her eyes were red once again, and her hands were placed palms down on either sides of the gun. 'Mom!'

Claire acted fast. She snatched the gun away and threw it in the sink, then she turned to her mother and grabbed her by the shoulders.

'What are you doing!' she screamed as she shook her surprised mom. When she didn't answer after two more times asking, Claire stopped and sank down in the chair next to her.

After 5 seconds she asked in a low whisper: 'What were you doing, mom?'

Claire's mom blinked and looked at the sink.

'Honey, I'm so sorry. It.. it isn't what it looks like.'

Claire snorted.

'Then what do you think it looked like? You had a gun lying in front of you. A gun, mom!'

Claire blinked several times, desperately controlling her tears. Luckily, it worked. Her mother was the one who burst out in tears. Apparently her mother hadn't picked up her normal life that easy.

'I'm so sorry, Claire Bear, I'm so sorry,' she sobbed. 'I found it in your father's office. I don't even know if it's loaded or not. It just.. it just brought back memories. He was always so into safety.'

Claire sighed and leaned her elbows on the table, then she pushed her face into her hands.

'Don't you ever scare me like that,' she warned her and pushed away from the table.

'I'll be in my room.' Claire was almost outside the door when her mother called her. Her face was calm again, and the tears were brushed away.

'Good luck with your first day in your new class tomorrow, Bear. God will help you out, I'm sure.'

Claire spun around to face her mom. 'Just like he did with dad, right?' She immediately regretted saying it. Her mother was already on edge and she didn't want to be rude. It just didn't seem fair.

'Just believe in him, Bear.' Claire sighed.

'I want to, mom. But I'm not sure he believes in me.'

'You know, everything happens for a reason.'

Claire bit her lip, wanting to believe that so badly, but then shrugged.

'Whatever.'

She walked to the sink, took the gun, dangling it between two fingers, and put it carefully on the table.

'Please put this away somewhere.'

Then she took the stairs two steps at a time and fell down on her bed. She looked to her left and stared at the pen and notebook she always had lying on her nightstand. Claire sat up straight and tore a paper out of the notebook. Then she took the pen and started writing.

"_Dear God," _she wrote. She felt like an idiot, but she didn't know how praying worked. This was easy enough.

"_I know you can't be happy with what's going down. But what's the use believing in you anyway? The Jonas Brothers believe in you, and I believe in them, but that's as far as I get with that question. _

_I know you've got a million other calls to take, you're dealing with a lot of things that just won't wait. But there is one request that I just got to make: Won't you send a sign down, just to ease my doubt. I'm trying to hear you, but the silence is so loud. _

_Love, Claire." _

Claire folded the letter in four and put on her slippers. It was just about to get dark, and it was raining. But Claire had to post this before tomorrow.

At the mailbox, she hesitated to post the letter. Maybe she was just overreacting, this was crazy. The rain tickled against her umbrella and the last ray of sunshine shone down through the trees. Claire narrowed her eyes against the light and saw a rainbow from behind the clouds. She smiled and threw the letter in. It didn't matter who would read it, at least it was off of her chest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2, Time For Me To Fly**

It was midnight and Claire was lying wide awake on her back, staring at the ceiling. She couldn't sleep, mostly because she was nervous about the next day. The only two friends she'd had, had literally moved to the other side of the world. One to India, and the other to Australia. Claire was listening to her mp3, hoping that after a few songs, she'd be tired enough to fall asleep. As soon as a Jonas Brothers song came on, Claire smiled, and looked at the poster hanging nearest to her bed. It showed all three brothers, back when Joe still had the hair he has in Camp Rock 2. Claire closed her eyes and silently sang along to the song she of course knew every sentence of.

"The earth can be a heavy ride

When the clouds are in your eyes

But I feel a calling

I will rise, I won't be falling

And I'll escape the gravity

And I'll reach my destiny

And I'll fly away-ay-ay"

Claire opened her eyes and immediately felt them slipping closed again. Finally, sleep was taking over. She waited until the song was done and pressed the pause button. Slowly she climbed out of bed, to put her mp3 away. As Claire was on her way back to bed, she paused at the window. The sky was black, no moon, no stars. She was just about to turn around and go back to bed, when an airplane with flashing lights passed by. The first thing that came to mind was the song Claire had listened to on the radio today. She mumbled a piece of the lyrics under her breath. 'Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really need a wish right now, wish right now.' Claire bit her lip, trying not to smile. Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Softly she muttered to herself: 'I wish..' Claire thought it through for two seconds, but there was only one thing she actually wanted most. 'I wish..' Two more seconds passed and Claire's smile faded. Wishing did no good, only leaving you with false hope afterwards. She opened her eyes again, but the airplane was long gone. 'Who am I fooling?' she said as she climbed back in her bed. Airplanes were no shooting stars, no matter how hard she "pretended". She glanced at the Jonas poster again, but quickly looked away this time, hugging her quilt closer. A single tear tried to escape, but she frantically rubbed her hand over her eye. Stay there, you mean drop of water. Claire took in a deep breath and, as she drifted off into sleep, whispered to herself: 'I wish I knew The Jonas Brothers, it would make life so much easier.'

Claire woke up with a shock at the loud, annoying *beep* sound filling her ears. She reached out her arm from under the covers and turned her alarm off with a single hit of her fist. Shut it and let me sleep, thank you very much. Claire shifted in her bed, ready to continue her nap. But her mom had other ideas about that. After two minutes, she softly shook Claire, who'd fallen asleep again by now, and whispered: 'Bonus Jonas, first day of school after summer break, wake up, sweetie.'

Claire groaned and flashed a smile. Bonus Jonas. Hah. She opened one eye, muttered unwillingly 'Mkay', and sat up straight. Her mom ran her hands through Claire's long, thick, black hair. Her daughter had grown so fast. Claire sighed and stole a glance at the deep blue skies waiting for her. She swung out of bed. New day, new life and she was _so_ ready for it.

Claire sat down at a desk for two. She was the first to arrive from her new class, the first to meet her terrific teacher (also known as over-excited creep), and therefore also the first victim of his on-and on-going chattering. After five minutes listening to how "superb" he thought this new year was going to be, the rest of the class started filling up. No one came to sit with Claire, probably because Mr. Brown was _still_ talking to her. And well, he wasn't the kind of teacher you would like to get in a conversation with. It was endless, literally. When he started class, Claire was relieved she didn't have to fake smile anymore. But if he was introducing himself, that must mean that everyone was here. And the table next to Claire was still empty. She looked around the room at the other kids. It seemed like most of them already knew each other and were talking about their vacation. Claire stared at the door, desperately hoping for one more person to walk through. Sure enough, the door swung open at that exact moment. A girl with long, tangled, dark-blond hair was standing in the doorway. Her face was red from running, and her expression apologetic. Mr. Brown looked at her.

'Who do we have here? It's your first day of school and your late?'

'I'm so sorry,' the girl said. 'I missed my flight, I came all the way from L.A.'

'It's okay, I'm just joking,' Mr. Brown laughed. 'Have a seat, miss.'

Her eyes searched the room, looking for an empty seat, and finally fell on the place next Claire's. She showed a bright smile and crossed the room towards her. The girl dumped her bag next to the table and reached out her hand for Claire to shake.

'Hi! I'm Kaylee Torello.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3, Poor Unfortunate Souls**

In less than two weeks, Kaylee and Claire turned out to be true friends. It was like they were meant to be very best friends. Kaylee didn't seem bothered by the fact that it was just the two of them, sitting next to each other in every class. Conversations ended either in serious debates, or in both of them laughing like crazy. Claire had finally found the friend she'd been looking for for so long, and Kaylee never talked about any of her other friends. Claire didn't want to ask and be rude, so she figured Kaylee didn't have any, just like herself. On top of that, Kaylee was just as big a Jonas Brothers fan as Claire. Although she wasn't as loud about it. Not screaming behind the laptop at a photo of Nick in a wet shirt. After three weeks, they were like twins, doing everything together. One and the same, just like Demi and Selena used to be.

One day, Claire was sitting at a desk near the window, making the work the teacher had just assigned. Of course, Kaylee was next to her, but they weren't working together. The teacher had this new method where he gave everyone "personal work, suitable for everyone's level." So Claire had pulled out her mp3, and they both worked in silence. Until Kaylee peeked over at Claire's mp3's little screen. Mandy by The Jonas Brothers was playing. Kaylee smiled.

'You know, that's one of my fave songs,' she said, nodding towards the machine.

Claire looked up, took out one ear bud, and looked at her with a questioning expression.

'I said Mandy's one of my fave Jonas Brothers' songs. Wanna know why?'

Claire nodded eagerly.

'My middle name's Mandy. Kaylee Mandy Torello. Cool, huh?'

'Yeah, I love that name. I so wish it was my middle name, I don't even have one.' Claire paused the song and pulled out the other ear bud. 'What are you're other favorite songs?'

Kaylee abruptly blurted out "Just friends and Please be mine" without a second thought.

Claire laughed. 'Wow, determined. Why?'

Kaylee turned red and looked at the table. Her eyes were searching the surface as if for an answer. It took her at least five seconds before she shrugged and answered.

'I don't know. I guess I can relate to Just friends. But Please be mine.. I..'

Kaylee looked at Claire and sighed.

'Claire, The J–' Kaylee was cut off by the teacher.

'Well girls, having a nice chat, I see? I'd love to join in, but I'm afraid you two have _work_ to do. Don't let me catch you gossiping again.' As he walked away, Claire rolled her eyes. Then she quickly went back to her work, having forgotten already that Kaylee had been about to say something. They didn't say anything to each other for the rest of the hour.

Back home, Claire turned on her laptop. Kaylee was standing near Claire's bed, a glass of soda in her hand, observing a new Jonas poster. Claire typed in ".org" and scrolled through the pages. She stopped at an old never-before-published youtube video of the three brothers. They were filming themselves at home, talking about random things. Some girl's voice in the background shouted something and Joe laughed.

'Shh, we're making a video.' Kaylee said from behind Claire's back, mimicking a boy's voice.

'Shh, we're making a video.' Joe said a second later in the video.

Then Nick slapped his hand on his forehead, smiling and shaking his head. Kevin sighed and walked towards the camera. He waved 'Bye, we love you!' and turned it off. The replay button popped up. Claire chuckled and turned towards Kaylee with big excited eyes.

'When did you see this? Did you watch it at school?' Claire asked conspicuously.

Kaylee bit her lip, sat down and swallowed. After a few seconds she said: 'Nope. I was there.'

Claire frowned. 'Where, at their house?' She laughed. 'Yeah, right, in your dreams.'

Kaylee took in a deep breath and let it out in a gust.

'There's something I have to tell you..' Claire's frown got deeper.

'Nick, Joe and Kevin are my best friends. I've known them my entire life.'


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4, Year 3000**

Claire let out an awkward giggle. 'Wh-what?'

'Nick, Joe and Kev are my closest, and best friends. I'm 17, one month older than Nick, so like I said, they've been around my entire life.'

Claire's frown was still there, and it wasn't going anywhere fast. Her expression was hesitating.

'Are you kidding me? Because if you are..' She wasn't sure if she should laugh or react serious.

'I swear, Claire, I'm not joking. And I can prove it if you want me to.'

Claire kept silent for a few seconds. At least she could try to believe it. She swallowed.

'Why didn't you.. why are you telling me now?'

'Would you have believed me this easily if I hadn't pulled that video trick?'

'Who says I believe you? You could have easily watched it before me.. If you're pranking me, Kay..'

Before Claire could say more, Kaylee took her chance to explain the rest.

'Listen, I didn't want to tell you earlier because I didn't want you to get biased. Every time I told a "friend"' Kaylee made bunny ears with her fingers at the word friend. 'that I knew The Jonas Brothers, they just freaked out and asked me to introduce them. Get autographs, get pictures, meet-and-greets, blahdieblahdieblah. I can go on forever. They just wanted to be friends with me because I was friends with those "hotties". I mean, not that I don't think they are, but I think you get the picture.' Kaylee blew out a big animated sigh and rolled her eyes.

Claire was frozen. It was hard not to believe her now. I mean, she couldn't have made all of this up just for one lame joke, right?

'B-but why.. why are you telling me then?' she managed to stutter. Kaylee smiled.

'I don't think you're going to act like that.. We're best friends too. Right?'

Claire returned the smile. 'Of course.' Then she slowly started to shake her head. 'Whoa, it's still not sinking in. I can't believe you know them. It's just so.. so..'

Kaylee laughed. 'Awkward? Fun? Amazing?'

'Also, but more like, surreal and overwhelming.' Claire kept shaking her head, but the frown had left. As a matter of fact, a smile was tucking at the corners of her mouth.

Kaylee snorted and gave Claire a little nudge. 'I mean, you _are _still an obsessed Jonas loving forever screaming fan girl. But..' Claire raised an eyebrow. 'Yes?'

'You're always so down to earth, and at least I don't have to keep my secret all by myself now.'

Claire almost cried. _Almost._ She still wasn't going to break her promise she made to herself. Instead, she reached out to Kaylee and hugged her close. When Kaylee pulled back after what felt like a minute, Claire said 'Thanks for telling me.'

'No, thank _you_ for being a real friend to me.'

Lights from beside the road flashed by. It was getting dark. Soon. Claire cleared her throat. Twice.

'Uhm, Kaylee, you don't happen to know where we're going, do you?' Kaylee was sitting next to Claire, driving her new car. The Jonas Brother's first album, It's about time, was playing in the car. She chuckled. 'Nope. Not a chance you're getting this out of me.'

'Ah c'mon, Kay.. I told my mom I'd come home tomorrow. If you're going to kill me and dump me somewhere in the desert, you're going to have a serious problem. They'll come looking, ya know.'

When Kaylee just laughed out loud, Claire groaned 'Ugh' and stared out of the window. She hated surprises. Especially when she knew absolutely _nothing_ about it. All Kaylee had said was that Claire should bring her sleeping bag and that's all. Oh, and that she should prepare herself for a long ride. Claire shook her head and looked back at Kaylee. She was so smug, with that grin on her face. What was she up to? It had been a week and a half since she'd told her about the Jonas's. They hadn't talked about it as much as someone might expect. Only that she hadn't seen them in a while. Kaylee was busy with school, they were busy with.. well, with being The Jonas Brothers actually. But Claire knew for sure that Kay and the three brothers were really close friends. They probably treated her just like a sister. She even texted Kevin the day after she'd told Claire, just to make sure she believed her, "Hey Kev, how r u? Give my love to Dani, xo Kay." She got the sweetest thing back. "I'm gr8. Miss u. :( Dani 2. Hugs, K2." At first Claire had been jealous, but that was long gone. The chance of coming across someone who knows The Jonas Brothers is so small, let alone someone who's their best friend. Claire looked at the road ahead, there wasn't a house visible in the near area. Just trees. Trees. And more trees. Kaylee led the car on a side road, which seemed to end in the woods. The area looked like some sort of place to camp out. Almost like.. like Camp Rock. Claire glanced at the clock on the dashboard. They'd been driving for over two hours now, Claire figured they could give L.A a quick visit, if they kept going like this. 'Kaylee Mandy Torello, please tell me where we're going.'

Kaylee giggled. 'To the year 3000' Strangely, at that exact moment the song Year 3000 kicked in.

Claire's eyebrows shot upwards. 'Huh?'

'You'll see, we're almost there.' Kaylee's expression looked like she was about to say: "you're going to _love_ this surprise".


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5, Nicholas Jonas**

The road stretched on towards the forest, and after five minutes it turned to gravel. Claire was actually getting nervous. She put her nose up against her side window and peeked at the nearing trees. She was surprised there was a car road leading all the way here, but sure enough, she saw a stop sign getting into view. What the hell were they going to do? Hiking? She hoped not. Camping? Pass. She wasn't the outdoorsy type. Bugs were her biggest fear. And she wasn't that much a fan of diseases caused by those tiny monsters either. Claire threw a glance at Kaylee, she was still smiling and it got broader by the second.

'Lose the grin, Kay. What are you grinning at anyway? I hope you brought a tent. You know how expensive this sleeping bag was?' Kaylee didn't seem to care one bit. 'So?' Claire snorted and directed her vision on the trees again. Her hands clenched the seatbelt for safety. When they arrived at the stop sign, Kaylee parked her car on the side and stepped out. She was halfway to the sign when she turned around and mouthed Claire. "Are you coming or what?". Kaylee put her hands on her hips and waited. Reluctantly, Claire gave in and stepped out, slamming the door with a bang. The gravel beneath their feet crunched as they walked past the stop sign with a little white sign below that said: "No cars beyond this point. Private cabin properties." Claire frowned. Private cabin properties? The gravel turned into damp earth. Small twigs broke under their weight.

'Are we staying in a cabin?' Claire asked with relief. Phew, no shivering in a tent at night.

Kaylee beamed. 'Yep. That's all I'm saying though.' Claire groaned. 'There's more?'

They walked on, moving deeper into the forest, which apparently wasn't a forest at all. More some sort of camp site, only.. different. It would have been just a forest, if it weren't for the neatly placed paths. 'Where are all those leading to? Are you sure you know where we're going?' Claire asked with suspicion. Kaylee rolled her eyes and laughed. 'Duh. They're leading to the other cabins. There are a lot of cabins here, they're just placed far away from each other. Privacy, remember?' Claire shrugged and looked around. 'I don't know. Seems like more of a scenario for a horror movie to me.' She kept close to Kaylee, trying to avoid the places where bugs might crawl. Her eyes caught some sort of small beetle climbing up the tree next to her. She shuddered and was just about to move on, when Kaylee called out to her.

'We're here! What are you doing there? C'mon, silly.' Her hands gestured towards somewhere off the path, like she was presenting Claire with some sort of precious Picasso masterpiece.

Claire quickly ran over to her, and a little wooden cabin came into view. Claire smiled. 'I'm impressed. Honestly, this is so cute for the weekend.'

It looked bigger inside than it'd looked from the outside. Claire sat down on one of the three beds that was supposed to be hers. She threw her bag on the floor and looked around. Kaylee came walking in. 'Hey Kay, what's the other bed for? I thought you said you only used to come her with your mom, 'cause your dad doesn't want to.' Claire said, nodding at the bed left from Claire's. Kaylee's was on the right. Kaylee briefly lifted her eyebrows twice. 'That's where the surprise comes in.' Claire got up to search the rest of the cabin. 'Oh please, will you just give it a rest. I'm not going to be "surprised" by anything, unless it's Nick Jonas himself coming all the way from London, therefore canceling his Les Miserable show, to ask me if I want to marry him in Vegas. Oh, and then kiss me. I'm sorry, but I just don't think you can quite live up to such a surprise.' Kaylee leaned against the door post, crossing her arms. 'You have no idea.'

Claire was unpacking her bag, putting her bikini, shorts, flip-flops and tank top on the bed. Then she went to the bathroom to put them on, these warm clothes were killing her. Besides, it was 8 o'clock, maybe they could take a quick dip in the lake nearby. While she was changing, she heard someone knocking at the door. Claire quickly shoved the shorts on and listened carefully. Who could it be? The sound of Kaylee greeting someone filled the room. Claire pulled her black hair into a ponytail and opened the door of the bathroom. She rounded the corner and...

Bumped into someone. 'Oh, I'm so sorry.' The boy stabilized her with his hands around her upper arms. His grip was firm. Claire looked up. And turned completely red, she was speechless. He extended one hand. But Claire was in too much a shock to realize he intended to shake her hand.

'Nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you.' the boy said.

'I'm Nicholas Jonas.'


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6, 6 Minutes**

Nick was sitting in the chair opposite to the couch, where Claire was sitting. On the small table in between, were glasses of soda and orange juice. Kaylee, who was sitting on the couch next to Claire, was caught up in a conversation with Nick. Claire couldn't join in, they were talking about old memories the two shared. She pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs, staring at Nick's mouth moving, his hands making tiny movements in the air. She'd watched him on TV and on Youtube so often, she thought she knew all his traits by now. But he was quite different in reality. For one, everyone had been right about that he did look shorter. But that was in advantage of Claire, she wasn't the tallest either. Second, he was much less formal or.. tense. And third, he was even cuter in real life, which was nearly impossible. Claire was slowly starting to calm down. The first minute, she'd just been shaking and trembling like crazy. This was probably the first time she'd ever gotten this nervous. But now that her hands and legs were finally still, a new problem had come along. She hadn't said much to him. She'd introduced herself, he'd explained why he was here, and then.. Well. That was pretty much it. How sad. Claire sighed, but luckily neither noticed. Nick had sat down, Kaylee had showed up with the drinks, and now Claire was silently watching them both. Not that she bothered watching him, this was way better than watching videos of him and his brothers on the Internet for hours straight-on. But she _was _bothered by the fact that, now that she'd finally gotten the chance to meet him in real life, she didn't take that chance with both hands. Claire nonchalantly glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, they were sitting here for almost three minutes. Claire looked back at Nick again. He was so dreamy. She still couldn't believe her eyes. Funny thing is, that she'd dreamed about him last night, and now he was sitting in one room with her. If only Claire had the guts to say something to him, draw his attention. In her head, she was asking him for his number, flirting with him, making him laugh, but in reality, he barely seemed to notice she was there. Sigh.

Kaylee suddenly jumped up.

'You guys wait here, I'll be right back. I'm getting some more drinks. Anyone want popcorn?'

She was out of the door before Claire or Nick had the chance to say anything. The room fell silent without Kaylee to fill in the gaps. Nick was looking around, observing the small living room of the cabin. It was absolutely dark outside now, and with the yellow lights on, it actually felt cozy. The only thing missing was a romantic song and marshmallows for a camp fire. Claire looked at the door where Kaylee had left through, glanced at the clock – almost 6 minutes had passed – and looked back at Nick. He was staring at her, smiling. Claire smiled back, a warm glow coursing through her body. She could feel her head turning redder, a tomato would look pale next to her.

'So, uhm, you came all the way from London?' Claire asked, the sentence she'd been repeating over and over again in her head. Nick nodded and rubbed his chin with his thumb.

'Yeah, I actually got the weekend off from Les Mis. And then Kayl called me. I thought it'd be fun to see her again, and to meet you. A friend of Kaylee is a friend of mine. Claire, right?'

She nodded, pleased about him referring to her as a friend. 'Yeah. Claire Porter.' Claire looked at her hands.

'Do you sing?' he asked. Claire shook her head, instantly feeling bad about it. There went the subject they could've talked about. 'I'm not that good at it. Though I do like to sing for fun.' Claire noticed Nick briefly looking at his watch, oh no, he was bored.

'So, uhm, how long are you staying?' Claire asked, the second sentence she'd been rehearsing in her head for conversation material. Nick scratched his head, pulling on a curl for a second.

'Uh, I'll probably leave somewhere tomorrow.'

'Oh.' Claire wasn't entirely sure how to react to this. The thought that he was sleeping in the same room with her. The bed next to her. Gosh. Luckily Kaylee returned with a tray with three glasses and a bowl of freshly made popcorn on it. She put it on the small table and ran to the radio on the other side of the room. The song 6 minutes blasted through the room, and Kaylee put the sound just low enough so it was merely background music. She skipped back to the couch.

'I'm so excited you're here Nick. You have no idea how surprised Claire is now. Heheh, you are so not going to be able to pay me back.' Kaylee said as she nudged Claire. She turned back to Nick.

'You will not believe how big a fan she is of you and your brothers.' Claire turned red again.

'Really?' Nick said with honest interest. 'I really appreciate that.' He hesitated for a second. 'If you want an autograph or a picture..' His voice trailed off.

'Duh! That's like her ultimate dream. Right, Claire?' Kaylee blurted out.

'Uh, yeah. Sure. I mean, if it's not too much a big deal?'

'Oh, not at all.. I'm kind of used to that by now.' Nick chuckled and Claire hid her face in her knees to keep from laughing. He was so cute. Please just control yourself, she said in her mind. Nick pointed at Claire's Yankees tank top. 'I like you shirt.' Claire grinned, showing all of her teeth. 'Thanks. It's kind of a coincidence I put it on.' Nick nodded, staring at the top, playing with his dog tag. And of all things, Claire was still as red as ever. She was hoping he wouldn't be able to see because of the light. Kaylee broke the silence again. 'I think we should dress for bed. Nick, you can change in the bathroom, but knock before you enter our bedroom!' she warned.

Nick stood up, took his car keys out of his pocket and put them on the table. Then he stretched and yawned with his hand covering his mouth. Claire secretly smiled inside. This was, without a doubt, the best night of her life. Ever.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7, Higher Love**

Bright light floated in through the small gap between the curtains. Claire slid her eyes open and squinted against the stream of sunlight. She felt like she'd slept for ages. But the truth was, she'd been lying awake almost the entire night, finally drifting off at 3 o'clock. Claire pulled her quilt over her head. Please, one more minute of sleep. Then she remembered everything that had happened yesterday. Nick Jonas. Nick freaking Jonas. She was wide awake just like that. Claire threw the quilt off and rubbed her eyes. Then she sat up straight and looked beside her. Left. No Nick. Right. No Kaylee either. She frowned. She slipped out of bed and walked to the door, slowly opening it and peeking outside. They weren't in the living room. Crap. Maybe Nick had already left. Claire pulled some clothes out of her bag and tiptoed to the bathroom. First a quick shower and then she would look for Kaylee. After a shower of barely 6 minutes, she threw on her bikini and clothes and practically ran outside. A cool breeze ran through her long uncombed hair and wrapped itself around her bare legs and arms. Claire's flip-flops clapped which each step. But she hadn't even walked five steps before Kaylee's loud voice made its way to Claire's ear. Her head snapped to her left and she saw Kaylee running her way. Her expression looked like she was having fun, but her voice was high and panicky, screaming at the top of her lungs.

'Don't you dare! I'll kill you, Nick. Don't you dare!'

Nick was right on her tail, and obviously catching up with her. When Kaylee saw Claire, her expression changed to relief.

'Claire! Please help me!' She sprinted over to Claire, just when Nick was about to catch her, and used Claire as a shield. A shield, Claire now saw, for the water balloon Nick was carrying. Claire braced herself, covering herself with her arms. But nothing happened and she relaxed. Nick was standing a few feet away, playing with the sloppy looking balloon filled with water.

Kaylee snorted. 'So you're happy to attack me but not Claire? That's discrimination.' She put her hands on her hips and shook her head. 'Look what he did to me.' She pointed at the side of her skirt and top, which were wet and sticking to her body. Claire laughed.

'If I remember, you were the one who started.' Nick said with raised eyebrows and a broad smile.

'I missed, you didn't. Doesn't that make us more than even?'

Nick didn't seem to agree, 'cause he threw the balloon at Kaylee. But Kaylee jumped out of the way and it smacked open on Claire's arm. She squealed and pulled on her wet shirt with her thumb and forefinger. Claire looked at Nick, he had his hands raised and he pulled a face that looked like he'd just thrown his mother's vase of the table. 'Whoops.' was all he said.

But Claire grinned and looked around to see if there was anything she could use to take revenge. Luckily Kaylee already had a plan and whispered it to Claire. Nick was still standing there, no clue about what they were up to when they ran into the house, both giggling. A minute later they came out with a bucket filled with water, but Nick didn't notice. He was staring at a strange beetle on a tree, with his back to Claire and Kaylee. They tiptoed over to him, carrying the heavy bucket together. One, two, three, and the water splashed down on top of Nick. He jumped, looking bewildered and surprised. The girls were on their guard, ready to run, 'cause Nick looked angry. His white v-neck shirt was completely soaked and a bit see-through. Claire tried not to look at it. He ran his hand through his curls and looked at them through his eyelashes. Then he walked around them, into the house, saying nothing. Claire looked at Kaylee with worried eyes.

'His he upset?' Kaylee shrugged.

'Hope not.' They both stared at the door. Just when they were about to follow him in, he came running out, carrying another water balloon, this one bigger and much more fragile. His eyes were sparkling, enjoying the payback. Kaylee screamed and ran off into the forest. Claire was a second later, and that was just enough for Nick to get a grip on her. He wrapped one arm around her from behind to keep her in place and splashed the balloon with his other hand right smack on her head. The water dripped down along her face, trickling and tickling across her cheeks and lips, and smudging the mascara she'd quickly put on in the morning. Nick still had his arm loosely around her, the other hand holding what was left over from the balloon, and he looked pleased. He was smiling broadly without showing his teeth, and his eyes were like a child's. Claire had turned around and had her mouth hanging wide open, but it was hard not to laugh. They were both soaked, both laughing. Claire looked up and instinctively stared into his brown shining eyes. They were so close. Nick didn't move, staring back into hers. They were both silent now, and the atmosphere had changed. Their eyes were glued in place. The moment seemed to last forever, but as soon as they heard Kaylee's voice, Nick dropped his arm and stepped back. He ran his hands through his hair again, looking extremely pleased. Claire also ran her hands through the strands of her wet black hair and hoped she wasn't turning red.

'I see he got to you.' Kaylee sounded smug. 'You're soaked to the bone, girl.'

The night sky was still and filled with stars. The forest surrounding them was completely plunged in darkness. Claire and Kaylee were sitting on a bench in front of the cabin, both silently staring at the sky, their arms wrapped around their legs. It was a warm night.

Nick had left for London, back to Les Mis, which had been extended for two weeks. It felt so unreal to Claire. One moment they'd been having fun together like they'd known each other for years, the other he was gone. How strange it may sound, it felt empty without him. He had such a bright personality, something about Nick made you like him no matter what. Claire put her cheek on her knees and stared at Kaylee. She was so lucky to be his best friend. But then again, Claire was so lucky to be _her _best friend. Claire thought back to that moment Nick and her had shared when they were having a balloon fight and sighed. She shouldn't think anything of it. Nick had hugged her when he'd left, instead of just shaking her hand, and the hug had felt so.. so.. sincere. So warm and nice. Claire didn't want to think about it. There was no chance, at all, that Nick would ever, ever in this century, like her. Even in the smallest way. Claire didn't believe in God, but she did believe in fate and some sort of higher love. This wasn't it. He'd left and that was that. But the thing was that she had always had a crush on him. I mean, which fan didn't? But now that she'd met him in real life, that fire in her heart for him had blazed bright red, burning through her entire body. Now that he was gone though, it felt like a dream. The fire had sizzled on for an hour or so, but now it was back to the "normal" small fire burning in her heart. Just like there was a fire for Kevin, and for Joe, and for a few more hot celebrity guys. But the raging course of flames through her entire body had left a mark. She couldn't just go back to being pleased with a simple picture of him on the Internet. Claire had gotten burned, and she knew it would leave a scar, no matter what she did. There had been a spark between them. But there was no way this could be love, she didn't even know him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8, Nick J Is Off The Chain**

'Quantum physics informs us that a system exists in superposition – that is, in all possible states – until we observe that it is only in one specific state,' Mr. Brown explained, while slowly walking over to the computer connected to the beamer.

'Now, there is one experiment that demonstrates how observation affects quantum systems: The Double Slit Experiment.' At this word, he hit a button on the keyboard and a video appeared on the big white screen on the wall. While the video was playing, an upbeat melody coming from somewhere next to Claire caused heads to turn and therefore also got Mr. Brown's attention.

"Yo, I'm so hot just like a Tamale, so destructive like tsuna–" Kaylee quickly ducked under the table and pulled out her phone, cutting off her ring tone. A few giggles echoed through class.

'I'm sorry Mr. Brown, I'll put it on vibrate.'

'If I hear it again in my class, miss Torello, I'll confiscate it,' Mr. Brown warned her. 'Pay attention.'

Claire nudged Kaylee. 'Do you get any of this?' she asked, motioning to the video. Kaylee shook her head with an expression that looked like she wasn't even gonna _try_ to understand it. She glanced down at her phone to see who called. "One missed phone call from Nick J", the little screen said. Then the machine vibrated for a second, a text message. Claire looked back at the video, still playing, trying to understand it.

'Holy cow, Claire, you gotta see this,' Kaylee said after a few seconds.

Claire frowned at her sudden excitement, leaning in to read the text.

"Hey Kayl, had so much fun. Almost show time for Les Mis. Btw, can I have Claire's number? I forgot something.. x Nick." Claire blushed and read it a second time.

'Should I give him your number?' Kaylee asked with big eyes and a mischievous smile. 'Or should I make him suffer?' Kaylee's fingers hovered above the "answer" button.

Claire shrugged. 'No, you can give him my number.' She whispered after being given a warning glance from Mr. Brown: 'It's no big deal. .. Right?'

Kaylee shook her head, chuckled and pressed down on the button. 'Of course not,' she said with a load of sarcasm hidden in her voice. Claire looked at her hands, keeping silent. Then she tried to focus on the video again, not really listening to the explanation of this so-called "experiment". Her mind kept wandering to her phone.

Claire was leaning against the locker next to Kaylee's, Kaylee was rummaging through hers. Claire searched her bag for her phone and pulled it out from under her heavy books. She pressed a button and stared at the screen. Still no text, no call, nothing. Kaylee's voice made her jump.

'What are you doing?'

Claire quickly dropped the phone back into her bag and crossed her arms casually.

'Nothing. ..I was just checking my, uh, phone.' Kaylee narrowed her eyes and slowly a smile began to show on her lips. 'Were you checking if Nick called you already?'

'No!' Claire opened her mouth to protest further but Kaylee cut her off.

'Listen, I don't care. I just want to say that you shouldn't get your hopes up. I know you have a big crush on him, that's just a fan thing, right? But he's a rock star. And..' Kaylee took a deep breath.

Claire sighed. 'And he can get every girl he wants? I know that. It's not like I'm hoping that he'll fall in love with me. ... Well, of course I'm hoping. But a girl can dream, right?'

Kaylee rolled her eyes. 'I guess. I just hope you won't fall in love with _him_. I would hate to see you get hurt..' She slammed her locker. 'But it's not like you'll be seeing him regularly anyway.'

Claire shut off her laptop, stood up and stretched. She yawned and looked at the clock. 23:00. It was late for a school night, but she didn't feel like sleeping. Besides, she could hear her mom snoring from across the hall. She lay down on her bed, maybe lying still for a while would make her sleepy. Claire stared up at the ceiling. At the posters on the wall. At the door. Out the window. At her phone. At the ceiling. At her phone. At the posters. Back at the phone. Her eyes lingered there. Her cheap old phone. It didn't move. Too bad. Claire shut her eyes and willed herself to fall asleep. Minutes passed.

"I want someone to love me, for who I am. I want someone to need me, is that so bad?"

Claire's eyes shot open and she sat up straight immediately. Her ring tone. She cleared her throat and fixed her hair, though it didn't care how she looked over the phone. Then she finally snatched the phone of her cupboard and looked at the screen. "Unknown number," it showed. She hesitated, pressed the "answer" button and held it against her ear.

'Y-yeah?' She cursed at herself in her head. 'I mean, you've got Claire.' There was a lot of background noise and no one answered. Then a barely audible voice crept to the surface.

'Hey, this is Nick.. Nick Jonas. I got your number from Kayl.' Claire hid her face in her pillow for a second, totally freaking out. Her voice sounded over-excited when she answered again.

'Uh, yeah, she told me. She said you texted that you'd forgotten something.. or something like that.'

She heard Nick clear his throat on the other line, and she bit her lip, trying not to scream.

'That's right. I, uh, I had a lot of fun at the cabin this weekend. But I just remembered yesterday that I forgot to give you an autograph. And the picture. I don't know if you really mind but..'

Claire didn't know how to respond. 'Uh. ' She heard someone talking to Nick in the background.

'It's no biggie. I mean, I had a lot of fun too.' She could hear the smile reflected in his next words.

'I'm glad. But you know, I feel like I owe you. Besides, I was planning on asking Kaylee anyway.'

Claire frowned. 'Asking her what?'

'I was thinking, maybe you two could come see me in Les Mis?' Claire's heart made a flip. Double.

'Wow, are you serious?' She visualized Nick smiling and her stomach fluttered.

'Absolutely. I just finished my last show for tonight, so I'm a little busy right now. But I'll call one of you somewhere tomorrow. I'd just love to see you again soon.' Claire smacked her hand against her mouth and screamed without sound.

'Me too. I would _love_ to see Les Mis.'

'Well, that's settled then. Listen, I have to go.'

'Bye, good luck on the show.. I mean for tomorrow.. or whenever the next one is.' Nick chuckled.

'Thanks. Goodnight.' He hung up. Claire stared out in the blue for a few seconds, her smile getting bigger and bigger. She buried her face in her pillow and screamed, stood up to put her phone on her desk, and jumped back onto her bed. Nick. _Jonas_. Just. Called. Her. She covered her face with her hands, kicking the air with her feet. She just couldn't stop from giggling. The goofy smile Claire showed at the moment would probably be plastered on there for a while. A _long_ while.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 9, Bonus Jonas**

A cool breeze, coming from the open window on Claire's side, stroked her cheeks. She extended her arm and let the stream of air slip through her fingers. Her hand tingled at the touch.

'Watch out,' Kaylee cautioned from behind the steering wheel. 'You could get your arm chopped off, you know. What if you hit a car?'

A sudden wind gush ruffled and tucked on Claire's black, wavy hair, messing with her perfect do for the night. It made Claire quickly roll up the window again and fix her hair in the rear view mirror. Tonight should be perfect. Kaylee smirked, looking pleased. Claire double-checked her make-up and blew out a big sigh. Nervous, nervous, nervous, was all she could think about. She had her legs crossed and was frantically shaking her dangling foot. Her hands unfolded and refolded over and over again. Claire felt Kaylee's eyes on her and looked over.

'What?'

Kaylee just raised her eyebrows and casually peeked at Claire's hands before focusing back on the road again. Claire inhaled.

'Okay, I admit I'm a bit nervous.' Another glance from Kaylee made her rethink her answer.

'Okay okay, screw the bit, I'm really, really, really nervous. But come on, this isn't just some sort of.. school's play. We're talking about Les Miserables here for crying out loud. In London. With Nick Jonas of all people. Who invited me himself. Can you believe it?'

Kaylee shook her head and tried to hold back her laughter. 'Nope. Maybe you should describe the phone call for me again. For the 100th time. Pretty please?' Claire ignored the question.

'I don't get it, how come you're not nervous?' She bit her lip, knowing she was talking way too much – a side-effect whenever she was nervous – and directed her view on the streets ahead. London, they were actually in London. She'd never been here before and she imagined herself with a pure English accent. How would Nick sound with one? Her thoughts were interrupted by a crowd of girls waiting in front of a building. Her mouth fell open.

'Oh snap.' Claire mouthed a silent "wow".

'Crap. We're never going to get through this,' Kaylee whispered, slowly crawling to a stop. She turned her head, looking out of the back window with her arm popped up on the back of her seat. She carefully backed up, and found a parking spot in the nearest street. They started towards the theater, making their way through a bunch of screaming girls to get inside. If this was the front entrance for the normal guests, how would the back entrance for Nick, Lucie Jones, and the rest of the performers look like? It would be literally impossible to get inside. S.O.S Big Rob, needed ASAP. When they finally made it through the doors, Claire's stomach started to act weird.

'I'm having a nervous breakdown,' she whispered to Kaylee, who pulled out her phone.

'Calling the Jonas's,' Kaylee said in a movie trailer voice, dialed a number and held the phone to her ear. The person on the other line answered after five seconds.

'Hi Joe, it's Kaylee.'

Claire was freaking out. Inside, of course. Outside, she was as smooth as ever. Her face was set on a permanent smile and her heart was turning into a time bomb. Kaylee was sitting on the right side of her, next to Joe. They were sucked into a conversation, heads bent towards each other. Claire felt like she shouldn't disturb them. Kaylee was all smiles, laughing at all his jokes. At Claire's left was Denise, next to her husband, her oldest son, Kevin and her youngest, Frankie. Whenever Claire looked at Denise, she received a warm and soothing smile back. She felt so welcome here. Kaylee had introduced Claire to all of them, and they had all looked so happy to meet her. Claire was beginning to feel jealous of the family's tight bond, she hadn't experienced anything like this since her father had died. It was only her and her mom now, and, if you count an animal within the family, her cat, Snort, too. A short vibrate in her favorite black skinny jeans' pocket, startled Claire. She reached inside and scooped her phone out. A message from her mom. Her eyes flew over the text, the end making her giggle and shake her head. Joe noticed it and leaned forward.

'Who was it?' he asked innocently, wanting to enjoy the inside joke too.

'Joseph, don't be rude,' his mother said.

'No, it's fine,' Claire answered with a smile, and looked back at Joe.

'It's just from my mom.' Joe nodded and frowned slightly.

'He wants to know why you were laughing,' Kaylee said with a smile on her lips, teasingly looking at Joe. Claire hesitated. This would be embarrassing.

'She just wanted to know if I was alright. And she, uh, always calls me Bonus Jonas. Like, as a joke.' Claire turned crimson red, but no one seemed to think the nickname was strange. Well, almost everyone.

'Hey, that's my nickname!' Frankie called out. Joe chuckled and flashed a smile at Claire.

'Don't mind him. You kinda are the Bonus Jonas tonight, right?' Her face lit up and she bit her lip. This was like a dream, she felt so at home. Kaylee was just about to open her mouth and say something, but then the lights dimmed and slow music started to play. The audience fell silent and everyone's head turned towards the stage. The music grew louder and louder and then fell completely still all of a sudden. A searchlight shone down on the stage, piercing through the darkness, as a person stepped out of the shade.

Claire gasped.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 10, Take a breath, part 1**

Claire frantically looked around. She stood on her tiptoes and gazed over the endless sea of bobbing heads. When she finally caught sight of Kaylee and the rest of the Jonas's, she started to make her way through the busy crowd of people, worming around their elbows and butts. She tried to stay calm, breath in, breath out, but on the inside she could barely control herself. She was holding the fragile pieces of sanity together, but at any moment a single fracture could make it all implode. Kaylee finally came into view and Claire crossed the last few strides between them to feel secure and safe. Kaylee turned to Claire with big, happy eyes.

'Hey, where did you go, silly?' Claire frowned slightly.

'Bathroom, remember? I told you.' For some reason she was getting a bit frustrated. Her temper was on edge at the moment. Kaylee rolled her eyes.

'Duh. You didn't tell me that you'd be gone for 15 minutes. We were so worried.'

Claire kept her eyes on the ground, scrambling through her mind for an excuse.

'Wow, I didn't know it was normal for a worried friend to just take off while I'm freaking out on my own. I just barely found you, I had to practically sneak through security to get here.'

Kaylee laughed a big, loud laugh. 'We're already backstage, you ding-dong. And I don't think there's security to arrest people for taking a piss.'

Claire sighed and focused on the surrounding, tuxedo wearing people. 'Whatever.'

The truth was that Claire felt like going home this instant. Which was totally insane, since she was still after all backstage. At Les Mis. For Nick. But Claire felt sick to the bone. The play had made her feel lonely, emotional, but mostly guilty. Here she was, enjoying herself like there was nothing else that mattered. But she hadn't thought of her dad in nearly three weeks. And where was he? Dead. How could she have been so selfish, forgetting about him like it was nothing. She'd been so busy with Nick, Kaylee, preparing everything for their trip to London, that there'd been no place for remorse left in her heart. Most of it was filled with a particular Jonas. Most people would think it's a good thing, moving on, but as far as Claire was concerned she wanted to clung to every small memory of her dad. And for Claire that meant feeling bad every night in bed, staring out at the stars, wishing for better days to come. Now that they'd come, it felt so out of place. _She_ felt out of place. And worst of all, she just wanted her father back. Since that wasn't going to happen, the first thought that came in mind, was her mom. She just wanted to be with her mom. Claire was broken, and no show, nor boy could fix her. Not even with the strongest glue.

Claire sighed. And noticed that Kaylee was no longer at her side. Instead, she was a few feet away, congratulating Nick. It felt like a mile away. There she was, on her own, and there they were, Joe, Kaylee, Kevin, Frankie, Denise, Paul. They were all surrounding Nick, patting him on the shoulders, Kaylee playfully running her hands though his curls, Kevin describing how awesome he thought the show had been. Claire kept silent and watched as they slowly left some space for Nick.

Nick lifted his head, his eyes searching the mass of black and white clothing. They focused on people near Kaylee, continuing without a pause, until finally settling on Claire. She was standing a great deal away from her friend, clearly feeling out of place. Nick's eyes lingered on her face, but their eyes didn't meet. Hers were staring out at the door, a worried look stretching along her skin, concealed by a straight set of lips, and blank eyes. Nick frowned, he couldn't put his finger on what she was thinking. Instinctively, he stepped out towards her. But he hadn't set one foot outside his protective circle of family, or someone caught him by the shoulders and started talking to him about his voice, his acting skills. Nick was distracted throughout the conversation, briefly peeking at Claire while answering the man's questions, until he lost sight of her. Nick tried to focus on the man, but the thought of Claire looking miserable filled up most of his thoughts. There was something about her expression, it felt so sad, it felt like he needed to be there to comfort her.

Kaylee was staring at Claire with a glass of wine in her hands. Claire was silent, acting weird since she'd come back from restroom.

'Is there something you want to tell me?' Kaylee asked in an innocent tone. Claire vaguely looked up, as though she was surprised anyone was talking to her.

'Isn't it illegal for you to drink?' was all she said, with a blank, humorless expression. Kaylee's mouth dropped open, her eyebrows raised.

'Whoa, back up. What have you done to my friend? Hello, earth to Claire. What is wrong with you?'

Claire shrugged and looked at her hands. Kaylee was just about to say something, but swallowed her words when she saw Nick sneaking out of the back door over Claire's shoulder. The door that led to the balcony. OMJ, she thought to herself, I'm a genius. She smirked mischievously.

'Why don't you go get some air on the balcony? It'll do you good before we leave.'

At the word "leave", Claire's head snapped up and she nodded, mumbling a muffled 'Yeah.'


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 11, Take A Breath, part 2**

Claire pushed open the big doors, letting in a cool stream of icy wind. She immediately regretted not taking her cardigan with her. But oh well, at least she looked good tonight. Her heels were killing her though. She stepped outside, carefully closing the doors. The sound of mingling people inside faded and replaced itself for cars, and the usual city noises. Nonetheless, it was a quiet night. The wind slammed into her bare arms and pulled at her hair, making it whirl around her face. Claire turned around and stopped in place. Out of all people, it was Nick leaning against the railing, looking at her with a shy smile. He briefly lifted his hand as a waving gesture and Claire copied him.

'You're probably thinking what I'm doing here, right?' His voice sounded husky, lowered by the sounds of the outdoors. Claire shrugged. 'Depends.'

'I don't think you know how crazy these things sometimes can get but.. here and there I just need to step out and take a breath. If not, I'll most definitely lose my mind.'

'Believe me. I can relate to you on that level.'

Nick scanned her face, and opened his mouth, hesitating.

'You looked upset,' he said, jerking his head towards the door.

Claire shivered, either by the cold or the question.

'You think?' She narrowed the distance and leaned against the railing next to him, leaving quite some space left between them. Nick nodded firmly, but Claire kept silent.

'You don't have to tell me. I was just wondering what was on your mind. If it's person-'

'No,' Claire cut him off. 'It's fine, I just don't like talking to everyone about it.'

'So it _is_ personal,' Nick said without a thought, but regretted it when he saw her expression drop. 'I'm sorry, that was out of line.'

Claire kept her gaze on her hands, pretending she hadn't heard him. Nick was just about to give her some time alone, taking one step to the door, when she started talking again.

'It's my dad.' Her voice broke on the last word. 'He passed away 4 years ago on August 7th. That's exactly two weeks from now.' She laughed when she realized how heart-broken and ridiculous she sounded. 'I don't even know why I'm telling you this.'

Nick's face was serious and intense, waiting for her to go on. So she did.

'Your acting. The songs. It all made me so emotional. I know it makes no sense.' She frowned, staring at the streets below. She barely noticed when her eyes filled with tears, but she could bite them back just before they spilled over. Her hands clenched into fists when Nick's voice broke the silence.

'You can cry, if you want,' he whispered.

Claire snorted. 'No way.' After receiving a surprised look, she explained 'Crying makes me feel weak, like I'm giving up.'

Nick thought about that for a second. He slid a fraction closer to Claire and stared at her, though she was watching the city below. He could see that she was still controlling her tears, fighting against the sobs. Her lip was quivering. Nick felt the need to comfort her bubbling to the surface again, there was something about her that made him feel powerless.

'Sometimes it's okay to give in to your emotions,' he said in a hoarse voice that made Claire look up. She was overwhelmed by a sudden rush of warmth to her cheeks when she noticed Nick's intense gaze. She wasn't sure if he was standing closer, or if it was just her brain finally stepping in and realizing that she was on a balcony, alone, with Nicholas Jonas. It was almost romantic. But Nick looked away and finished his sentence.

'Even when it means giving up.' His jaw flexed and his hands slid into his pockets, as if to lock them there. Claire shook her head, the tense moment slipping away, but her cheeks still flushed.

'Giving up means forgetting.'

Nick looked at her again, his competitive nature kicking in naturally.

'I didn't mean giving up, I meant letting go.'

'Letting go means replacing.'

His eyes shifted angrily between Claire's left and right eye, but then his face smoothed out and he chuckled. 'You're stubborn.'

'I can't say I'm the only one on this roof who's stubborn.' Claire's voice hinted to more.

He showed his teeth in a crooked smile. 'No comment.'

Claire felt like she had to bring something about his performance that night up, just out of respect. 'You were really good out there. And I mean really, really, really good. I didn't know you could sing like that. "Empty chairs and empty tables" almost made me cry.'

Nick vaguely smiled. 'Almost.' His eyes sparkled. 'You didn't shed one tear?'

Claire pursed her lips and shook her head.

'I made a promise to myself, and I intend to keep it. Besides, I'm not really the kind of person who cries easily.' Nick laughed under his breath, and stepped even closer, challenging her.

'Yeah well, people change, and promises broken.' His voice was casual, but Claire could feel his warm breath on her face. He had no idea how he made her feel, she was happy no one could know what she was thinking. He was so close, she wondered what he would do if she leaned in just the tiniest bit.

'Clouds can move, and skies will be wide open.' Her breath was unstable as she whispered the words on instinct, recalling one of her favorite songs. Something in Nick's expression seemed to shift, as if he finally realized how perfectly close they were. Claire's heart started racing when she realized he wasn't moving away, her palms clammy with sweat. His eyes dropped to her mouth, and Claire's head felt like exploding, thoughts running loose and wild. She desperately tried to even out her breaths, but they were coming in ragged blows. Just an inch away, those darn kissable lips. He tipped his head to the side, and Claire's brain went on auto-pilot.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 12, London Foolishly**

She didn't kiss him. Instead, Claire abruptly turned her face away from him, sucking in air through her teeth. It happened so fast, as if on instinct. Her eyes were wide, nostrils flared, and her heart raced like mad. She looked down with a crimson red face and cursed inside. Claire had no idea what had just happened, for some reason she didn't have the guts to kiss him. Claire turned her body away from him and towards the streets of London, the dark buildings spotted with bright window lights.

'I love that song.' Her voice sounded off. Scratch that, the entire sentence sounded off. She should have been kissing him right now, but she was too damn scared. Scared of being rejected, though that was just the thing she'd done to him now. Claire scrambled for words, searching the stones for a sane, correct answer to why she'd stepped away. This was not how it had worked in all her dreams. She'd ruined the moment. Why couldn't she be like Kaylee? Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Nick taking a step back, and then looking at the door. Claire didn't feel like looking him in the eyes right now, but she had to see his reaction. She peeked up at him from under her eyelashes. His expression was frustrated, almost angry, but mostly surprised and humiliated. Just the kind of expression someone wore when he'd just gotten rejected. He wasn't looking at her, but down at the floor, and he wasn't saying a word. Claire clenched her hands around the railing for support and blurted out the first thing that came in mind.

'I really admire you and your brothers.'

Nick looked startled and shy, slightly frowning. Why wasn't he saying anything? It was driving her crazy. But of course it was her fault, she would have probably reacted much worse. Claire made a mental note of hitting herself in the head with a hammer when she came home. She frowned at her white knuckles, not sure if she was pretending the iron bar to be her head.

'The way you handle all the stress, the hard work, and still stay so down-to-earth. You're one of the few who doesn't just care about the fame, but about the fans too. Even with all the... screaming.'

There was really no other way to put it. Nick frowned, his eyes staring blankly ahead of him. It was like he was figuring out how to compose his expression. He sucked in air and sighed.

'We do what we love and we try to be there as much as we can for our fans,' his eyes flickered to Claire before focusing on something far away again. 'If there's anything we don't need, it's credit for thanking our fans. We wouldn't be here without them.'

Claire noticed how he used "we" instead of just "I". It felt like he was talking to just any fan he'd met outside of his hotel, not someone he had a near-kiss encounter with. Some reporter that kept asking annoying questions, not someone who he'd personally invited to be here tonight.

'That still makes it amazing. You know, it may sound strange, but I've always wanted to thank you and your brothers for just doing what you do. You've literally pulled me out of my darkest times.'

'No problem,' he said in a low voice, eyes on the stones beneath her feet, hands still in his pocket. His expression was almost impossible to read, but he seemed distracted, eager to get out of this humiliating situation. Well, duh. Claire had plain shoved a shovel in his face, and now she was trying to act as if it hadn't happened. She was getting nervous, and the talking side-effect was in full motion. She figured that if she just kept talking, he'd smooth out eventually and they'd be able to start a conversation again. But Claire's words came out rushed, hoping he wouldn't make a run for the door. A shaking laugh escaped her lips, sounding low and hesitant.

'It's funny how you feel like old friends to me now, but you didn't even know I existed.'

It was silent for a full minute and Claire started to wonder if he maybe hadn't heard her.

'I wish I had,' he whispered and looked Claire straight in the eyes. Claire realized that she desperately wanted him to step forward and try to kiss her again. She wanted to turn back time, she wanted that _moment_ to be back again.

But it didn't happen. He sighed and took out one hand from his pocket, which he used to rearrange his hair at the front. All of the tense air seemed to have been sucked out in one simple second.

'That reminds me, I still owe you an autograph.'

And that was that. He didn't even mention the picture. The moment had been ruined, along with Claire's heart. This was the most stupid thing she had ever done in her life. What an ass reflex to look away when your biggest celebrity crush of all time, the one you secretly dream of marrying, tries to kiss you. Any fan would have killed to be in her place. Typical Claire, she thought. Destroying all happiness as it comes.

Nick blew out a big gust of air. He needed to clear his mind, sort through all the thoughts overloading his brain at the moment. He crossed his arms, hugging himself closer, his shoulders slightly hunched. The night had suddenly turned chilly, and now that Claire had left him alone, the cold seemed to be even more alert. Nick opened his mouth and slowly breathed out, watching his breath turning into an opaque shape. It felt like winter. He directed his gaze to the silent streets of London. It was foggy, like lots of nights here in London had been since Nick had arrived for Les Mis. And it was quiet, like most of the times he had went outside after his night show. His mind wandered to Claire. The thought that he had been just an inch away from kissing her, bothered him. Not the fact that he didn't want to kiss her, but the fact that he did. It disturbed him to the point of plain frustration. Nick frowned. He didn't know what he was feeling, and honestly, he didn't want to know. A girl had been the last thing he was thinking about, especially with the tour so close by. Nick snorted at himself. Look at myself, he thought, what was I even thinking? He'd gotten his heart broken so many times, and the pattern felt old, obvious. He shouldn't go down this road again. He had the fans. That was all that mattered. But Claire was a fan. Apparently she didn't like him on a crush level. Nick knew that if he would tell Joe about this, he'd say something like

"I think the problem is that I'm her favorite Jonas. I mean, look at me, I'm a stud muffin."

Nick smirked at the thought, but his eyes were still worried. Why had he tried to kiss her? What would he have done if she hadn't pulled away? He was acting without thinking. He was about to go on a world tour, for crying out loud. A relationship didn't do well in combination with long distances, something that went hand-in-hand with someone like him. Nick spoke out of experience. He closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders. The awkward connection he felt to Claire would probably leave just as soon as it had come. Besides, it wasn't like he had to worry about Claire's feelings. There weren't any. Nick nodded to himself as the logic of the whole happening dawned to him. It had just been the setting of night, the thought of comforting her about her father, the fact that they'd been alone. It were all factors that had made him think he liked Claire. And the kissing thing had simply been him moving too fast, without any second thoughts. World tour, that was what mattered.

A word had been nagging at his thoughts throughout the entire conversation with Claire after the whole kissing thing, it had been just on the tip of his tongue. Now an echo clearly vibrated through his mind, just as clear as the meaning of the word.

Foolish.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 13, Pizza Girl**

It's funny how much influence someone can have when they're famous, rich, powerful, but mostly just kind. It was just after closing hours for the restaurant, but they were happy enough to make an exception for the Jonas family and two friends.

London. Pizza Express. After hours.

It all seemed to be making perfect sense to Claire..

Kevin had left early, so he wouldn't miss his flight back to Danielle. And Mr. Jonas had taken Frankie home. It was just Denise, Joe, Kaylee, Claire, and Nick. Claire hesitantly waited until Kaylee had chosen a spot at the long table, and quickly took the seat next to her. Denise sat at the head of the table, Joe and Nick sat down in the two opposite chairs, completing the circle. Claire felt Kaylee's eyes watching her every move, the way they had done ever since she had come back from the balcony, like she expected her to say something. Claire had no intentions whatsoever to talk about what had happened, so she directed her view to the person in front of her. Bad idea. Nick was looking at the menu, with his elbow perched up on the table and his hand at his mouth. His index finger and thumb were both resting against his jaw and his other fingers were cupping his chin. Altogether it made a perfect "thinking" position, as if he were carefully choosing something off of the menu, but his eyes were stuck in one spot. Claire figured he already knew what he was going to take, he had obviously gone here a lot during his stay in London. He was probably thinking of something else, not paying attention to the menu at all. Claire shifted her gaze to her own menu, afraid he would snap out of it and notice her stare. It took her only three seconds to realize most of their food consisted of Pizza, something which she now realized was quite obvious if you considered their name. Inside, she briefly panicked. She hadn't eaten pizza since _that night_, a pizza with mozzarella and mushrooms to be precise. Claire didn't feel like breaking her pattern now, she didn't want to bring up even more memories than she had already done by watching Les Miserables. Denise's voice shook her out of her thoughts.

'Do you know which pizza you want? I'm going to take the, uh..'

Claire didn't hear the rest, she was trying to make an excuse up for not wanting anything. Kaylee met her distracted eyes and lifted her eyebrows as a silent question, meaning: "What's up?"

'So which pizza is it going to be?' Denise asked again, with a friendly smile.

'I don't know, I don't really eat pizza normally actually,' Claire said and looked at Kaylee again with worried eyes. Kaylee smiled, remembering that time when they had been talking about Claire's dad.

'She doesn't like pizza, she hasn't eaten one in four years.'

Denise's eyes turned big. 'Why didn't you just say so? They have lots of other things, like pasta,' she said as she flipped the menu. Claire sighed in relief and ran her eyes over the dishes. She was getting worked up over nothing, she just had to calm down. But Claire couldn't help but notice that Nick was staring at her, and an uncomfortable knot formed in her stomach.

'I'm done!' Kaylee scraped her chair back with a sound like nails across a board. She was frowning at Joe, and her nostrils were flared. Claire had noticed that they'd been having an intense conversation, leaning over the table, whispers going back and forth. Claire thought it was best not to try and eavesdrop, she owed Kaylee that much. But now everyone at the table was staring at Kaylee, and Joe looked extremely uncomfortable to say at the least. Kaylee got red and looked from Denise to Claire to Nick. Her expression got apologetic and she relaxed.

'I'm sorry. Can we please say goodbye now, before I get emotional?'

Claire was leaning against the car they'd borrowed from Kaylee's mom's friend, who lived here in London. They were going to stay the night there. Kaylee and Joe were standing near the door, still saying goodbye. Kaylee seemed upset, looking away from Joe. He was talking non-stop, one hand on her arm. Claire narrowed her eyes, and widened them a second later. She had been so preoccupied with her own problems that she hadn't even noticed that Kaylee might really like Joe, and the other way around. Claire sighed and made a face. Her goodbye with Nick hadn't quite been what you would call.. friendly. She shook her head, trying to shake the memory out.

'Nick, about tonight. I didn't mean to-'

'It's okay,' Nick had said, with a vague smile. 'I'll talk to you soon.' And then he had briefly hugged her, not even lasting two whole seconds. Claire felt like throwing up, Kaylee had to hurry up. Kaylee was standing on her toes to hug Joe and he hid his face in her neck. Claire didn't know for sure, but it looked like his lips touched her skin. She didn't feel like watching any more of it, so she turned and opened the car door, throwing herself inside.

'Are you alright?' Kaylee asked as she tapped her thumb against the steering wheel in an upbeat rhythm. Claire didn't move. 'Uhuh.'

'Did anything happen? On the, uh, balcony?'

Claire shrugged and rubbed her temples between her index finger and her thumb.

'Oh nothing interesting. Nick just tried to kiss me, I screwed up and now I'm condemned for eternal misery. What about you, since when are you dating Joe?'

Kaylee lifted her eyebrows and mouthed "wow" to herself.

'Wait, what? Hold up, you kissed him? And I'm not dating Joe.. what makes you think that?'

Claire snorted. Kaylee didn't sound like she meant it at all.

'C'mon Kay, you two look like a married couple for crying out loud.'

'Don't change the subject, Claire. Listen, nothing is going on between us, that would just be.. awkward. You can not just tell me you kissed Nick and then shut up about it.'

Claire sighed. 'I did _not _kiss him! That's the whole point. He _tried _to kiss me but I pulled away. I think we both know I'm too much a chicken to kiss the love of my life.'

Kaylee didn't say a word, focusing on the road with a black expression.

'Maybe "the love of my life" is a bit overdone,' Claire whispered and sank back into her seat.

'Claire..,' Kaylee began but didn't finish. She really didn't know what to say.

'I'm fine,' Claire said after a minute. 'I just want to go home.'

And she watched as the rain pour down from the sky, flooding the London streets in pools of water.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 14, Rose Garden**

"_Summer comes and then it goes/hold on tight and brace for cold/but it's only for a moment." - Take A Breath_

Claire quickly pulled her finger back and squinted at the little blood-red drop spilling over her index finger.

'Ouch.'

She put the finger in her mouth to stop the wound from gushing and bent down to pick the rose she'd dropped when the thorn had cut her back up.

Working in this flower shop had pros and cons.

For starters, the shop was just around the corner from her house, which came in handy when you wanted to sleep in for a few more minutes. But the work wasn't as beautiful and sweet-scented as most people tended to believe, in fact, working with flowers and plants all day made you look dirty and exhausted.

Claire wasn't sure if being her mother's employee was a good thing or a bad thing. She didn't have much of a choice though, she'd been working here since she was nine years old. This was the only thing that kept their household on key; the flower shop had just been a side-job when her father had still been around, but now it was a daily necessity. Claire tried to help out as much as possible, especially now that school was out for one whole week. Spring break. It didn't feel like spring at all.

It was like winter still lingered in the atmosphere, and it wasn't going anywhere soon. The weather went perfect however with the way Claire felt. She still wasn't over what had happened in London. No one would be able to get over something like that. No matter how many times Claire would replay the scene in her head, she never got past the part where Nick's eyes had dropped to her mouth. It was like the memory alone hurt too much.

If only her father had been here, she would have been able to tell him everything and he would have comforted her, saying he understood.

Claire looked down at the rose in her hand, carefully holding it between two fingers, and watched as a petal came loose and sadly floated to the ground. A shiver rippled down her spine.

Her father would have held her and whispered something in her ear that made everything seem irrelevant. He was like that. But nothing was going to make him come back, just like nothing could turn back time to erase her stupid action on that balcony.

It had all felt like a dream anyway. It was ridiculous enough that she could proudly say that she "knew" the Jonas Brothers now, let alone that Nick and her had almost shared a kiss.

Claire frowned, doubting herself. Maybe it had all been one big misunderstanding, maybe she'd misinterpreted his moves. It was insane to think Nick Jonas, out of all people, would have tried to kiss her. Claire just couldn't wrap her mind around it.

The last few months had been unbelievable, and now that Kaylee had left town with her family for a week, it felt even vaguer and less real.

Claire sighed and directed her view to the window; what a lifeless day it had been. She watched as small drops started to trickle along the glass, turning into bigger ones clattering against the window. She watched as the sky turned gray and it became impossible to see the horizon through the curtain of water. The heavens were pouring down, "tears straight from God", her father had once called it.

It sounded crazy now.

With the amount of rain streaming down at the moment, God would have to be in a deep state of depression.

"Why is God sad, daddy?" six-year-old Claire had asked, looking up at her smiling father.

"He's not sad, sweetie, they're happy tears. He's letting us know he still cares."

Claire broke her gaze and roughly rubbed her hand over her eyes to dry the tears forming in her eyes. No harm done, she thought, no tear had spilled yet. It was a promise that was getting harder to keep with every day.

Before she'd met Kaylee, there had been days where she'd honestly wished she didn't exist. No one would notice.

Claire felt something touch her bare leg and looked down just in time to see her cat, Snort, disappearing behind the counter.

Her mother had told her a few months after her father died that Claire had initially been a "mistake". "A beautiful mistake" her mother had called it, but nonetheless a mistake. When her mother had found out she was pregnant, she'd panicked, constantly crying she wasn't ready for a child. But her father was the one who kept telling her this child was meant to be theirs, pulling her through the regret.

Now he was gone, and all that was left was a mother, still thinking back to those teenage years with sorrow in her eyes, and a daughter, making one mistake after another.

Claire swallowed back a lump in her throat. She was going to have to try to forget about Nick, or at least until Kaylee was back home. There was nothing she could do about any of her problems, and moving them to the back of her mind seemed like the best option. If not, the safest.

Pull yourself together, she repeated in her head, seven days without thinking about anything Jonas related.

A week felt long, stretching out in front of her, like a dark path to whatever lay beyond. It wasn't permanent, she just needed to clear her mind, get back down to earth with both feet on the ground. She needed to make herself believe that she hadn't done anything wrong that night with Nick, that nothing had changed, and everything was back to the way it had been for those long four years. A life where the Jonas Brothers were just her all time favorite band, and much much more, but nothing more than she could dream of. Something out of reach.

She'd been able to live with that thought for four years, so why couldn't she switch back to that feeling again? There was no chance, even in her wildest dreams, that she would ever see Nick again, not counting concerts.

As Claire assured herself with these thoughts, the door opened, letting in rain and a boy. He was soaking from top to toe, his blond hair dripping in strands across his forehead. He ran his eyes over the shop in a second before stopping on Claire. He flashed a smile from ear to ear, his lips stretching across the width of his face. Claire couldn't help herself, and grinned at his wet appearance.

'Nice rose you got there,' the boy said and gently took it out from between her fingers and turned it around so that the petals were facing her. 'How about I buy you this one?'


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 15, Wrong Again**

Matt ran his hand across the length of Claire's hand and bit his lip.

They were standing in the flower shop in town, where they'd been having "dates" for the last couple of weeks. Also known as the place where they'd first met.

Claire blushed and pulled her arm away. She backed up against the wall and put her hands in her pockets so she wouldn't have to worry about having them fiddling nervously at something. She was hoping her red cheeks had faded away by now.

'So, what do you wanna do today?'

Matt raised his eyes from her arm, to his hand dangling in the air, to Claire's eyes and shrugged.

'Well.. I kind of like it here. And since we've been hanging out here all this time, I don't think there's any rush in breaking the tradition.' His voice vaguely went up in the end of the sentence, suggesting a question mark.

Claire sighed, but kept it low, she didn't want Matt to think she was bored. This was the closest she'd ever had to a boyfriend, if you could even call it that, and she had no intentions to ruin it. Not when Matt seemed quite perfect. He'd been straight-forward since the day that he'd walked through that door in her mother's flower shop. It had been raining like crazy that day, and the weather hadn't really cleared up ever since. Claire wondered if Matt liked her for some other reason than.. the obvious. It just seemed too much luck for a person like her to just have a handsome blond boy walk through the door and buy her a rose out of nothing. It felt unfair. But a fact was that he'd completely taken her mind off of Nick, or anything Jonas-related. Not that he could keep the dreams away. For some funny reason, she was having dreams about Nick for about a week now. Weird dreams. Dreams where Nick was wearing a Santa suit and making her laugh. They made no sense whatsoever. Claire noticed she still had to answer Matt.

'If you want to. You know we could play a.. game. Or something,' Claire said, and hurriedly added, 'If you want to.' She felt awkward.

And if she was being honest, she'd desperately been wanting to listen to a Jonas Brothers song for the past couple of days. Hearing their voices, seeing their pictures, were normally the things that kept her alive and well. Clearing her mind of whatever was troubling it. But they only brought back an itching memory now. Somehow it was still eating its way through the back of her mind. Matt showed his ear-to-ear smile that made Claire's stomach twist.

'I've been thinking actually.' He paused, creating even more drama to his tense tone. Then he took a step closer and put his hand on her hip. His smile turned into a smirk. 'We've been going out for a while now, and I was hoping you'd be ready to.. move on.'

Claire shivered. She couldn't back up further, she was already against the wall. This was way closer than he'd ever been at any of their dates. The last two words made Claire's stomach flip in panic. She could read his body language good enough to know what he meant. She put her hand against his chest and frowned.

'What do you mean?' she managed to say in a fairly even tone.

'I think you know what I mean,' he said, and pushed her hair to the side.

Claire felt like throwing up. He ducked his head and waited a second before pressing his lips to hers. She tried to kiss back, but there was something wrong. She didn't feel like she wanted to kiss him at all. Every inch in her body was yelling at her to push him away.

But she didn't. She needed this. She needed this to feel better about herself. By _not_ pushing him away, she was actually pushing Nick's memory away. It was as if she was convincing herself with this kiss that it hadn't been her fault that night she hadn't kissed Nick.

It made no sense. At all. Just like the dreams. But that was the way her mind worked.

His right hand was still on her hip, and his left hand was moving up towards her breast.

"Stop him, you idiot," Claire's brain was saying. "Just keep going, you can't turn back now," Claire's mind was saying. They clashed, and her mind won out.

She kissed him and he kissed her.

And then the door to the back room opened up for her mother, carrying a bundle of flowers. She gasped and dropped them to the floor. 'Claire!' Her voice was raised and high-pitched.

Matt pulled away, quickly taking his hand off of her breast. Claire gulped with big eyes. Her mother didn't say anything. She was just staring at them with a disappointed look in her eyes. Claire didn't bother to change the silence until Matt coughed.

'I'm just gonna go now. I'll.. see you later?' She nodded and made a gesture that was supposed to be a wave. 'Bye,' she said in a low voice. When Matt was finally out the door, she turned to her mother. 'Mom-'

'Don't,' her mother cut her off. 'I never thought you'd be going down this road too, Claire. After everything I told you about how I made that mistake with your father, I find you in here, out of all places, practically all over some boy. You're sixteen.'

'Almost seventeen,' Claire noted but regretted it instantly. Her mother just shook her head.

'Are you sleeping with him?'

Claire flinched and her hands clenched into fists. 'Of course not! And what if I did? It wouldn't matter to you anyway. You're just scared I'm making the same mistakes and turning into another you 'cause you're not happy with your own miserable life!'

Claire's face went blank, her entire body going cold as stone when she realized what she'd just said. Her mother's reaction was inevitable, she'd crossed the line.

'That's it, Claire. I don't know what you're thinking but I want to make this loud and clear. That was out of line. Big time. You're not going to any Jonas Brothers' concert this year, young lady.'

Then she turned and left the room. Her mother's voice had pierced through the air like a sharp knife cutting deep into the middle of her heart, and Claire was still fixed in place.

She fell back onto her bed and looked at the picture she was clutching. It was a picture of her mother, her father, herself and Snort, her cat.

She'd just gotten Snort for her sixth birthday and it fit perfectly in her arms, its feet dangling in the air. Her mother's cheek was pressed against her hair, and her father was making a goofy face at the camera.

Claire smiled. She wished she could take back what she'd said to her mom, 'cause she knew she didn't mean it. And as she'd done more often than usual these days, she wished her father was right there to tell her "Go downstairs and say sorry to your mother. It's okay, it's not your fault."

Somehow he had the ability to stay calm no matter how bad she screwed up. And Claire had failed so many times. Somehow she always magically found a way to miss the mark and get burned. But every time, he was there to catch her when she fell, with forgiveness in his smile.

Claire sometimes felt like _she_ was the mother, and she had to take care of her mom. She'd had an epic fail today. Both in saying those things to her mom as in kissing Matt.

Claire couldn't conceal the shame she felt, it was more than she could stand. Kissing him like that was wrong, just as wrong as it had been not to kiss Nick. Wrong again. Twice in a row. She was probably doomed for eternal misery in love.

But just by looking at that picture, Claire knew what to do.

That night, Claire silently opened the door to her mother's bedroom, finding her reading a book in bed. Claire braced herself for whatever scolding might have come, but nothing happened. Her mother just put the book down and slid out of bed. Claire frowned, thinking she would get another wave of judging. But her mother pulled her in for a hug, not saying a word. It was better that way.

Claire hugged her pillow closer with one hand and reached for her mp3 with the other. She turned up the music as loud as her ears could handle, and fell asleep to Jonas Brothers songs and Nick's soothing voice.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 16, Joy To The World [A Christmas Prayer]**

'I still can't believe we can't go to the JB concert!' Kaylee yelled as Claire shut the door to her bedroom. Claire rolled her eyes and gave her a nudge so she fell back on Claire's bed. Then she joined Kaylee and wrapped her legs under her, pushing her cold toes into the quilt.

'My mom's doing groceries, so don't even bother. Besides, she's not going to make up her mind because you say so.'

Kaylee lifted one eyebrow. 'Right. Whatever.'

Claire made a face. 'I can't say I don't agree with her. I mean, you're not gonna tell me you would've done the same, are you?'

Kaylee shook her head and fiddled with her bracelet. 'Nope. But I'd at least throw a scene instead of having some sort of weird no-talk thing going on with my mom. I would make it damn clear that she ruined my life by not letting me go to their concert.' She started scratching her black nail polish off. 'Not that my mom would keep me from seeing my best friends,' she added under her breath.

'We're not having some sort of weird no-talk thing going on.'

'Yes you do.'

'No we don't'

'Claire.'

'Kaylee.'

'Well, excuse me for thinking that _not talking_ to your mother about this is having a _no-talk_ thing going on.'

Claire sighed and pursed her lips. 'I'm just trying to respect her decision, I feel like I'm letting her down ever since _that day _4 years ago. And I don't want to push my luck, since she already forgave me for saying those mean things to her.'

'OK.' Kaylee nodded and thought it through. 'But you do still want to go to the concert, right? They just started off their world tour, and we have to buy tickets just like everyone else.'

'Of course! And I know that. I'll figure something out, I'll call you tonight about it.'

Kaylee expression suddenly turned mischievous and she started rubbing her hands together like an evil mastermind. 'Now, let's talk about something interesting. _Matt._' She emphasized his name.

'Ugh. I don't know. I'm starting to think we aren't a good match. And after he kissed me like that.. It just doesn't feel right. I don't want to be with someone who pushes me into something I don't want and who makes me feel like I have to be someone I'm not.'

'But isn't this your first, like, real boyfriend?'

'Yeah, but I only went out with him to-' Claire shut her mouth, quickly checking if Kaylee'd noticed.

She had, 'cause her eyes widened and her mouth curled up into a smile. 'Yes?'

Claire sighed and stared at her hands. 'To forget about something,' She turned red, her voice was muffled.

'Some_thing _or some_one_?'

Claire eyes automatically flickered to her Jonas poster above her bed, giving herself away.

'Is this still about Nick Jonas? ..It is, isn't it!' Kaylee's mouth formed an "O", and both of her hands were covering her mouth. 'No way.' she mumbled.

Claire wasn't looking Kaylee in the eyes.

'Wow, whoa, wow. I didn't know it was this serious. I didn't know it still bugged you this bad. You should have told me.'

'I don't think I'm ever gonna get over the fact that I almost kissed one of the three boys who changed my life.' Claire was completely serious about this. 'I'm not as used to this, to them, as you, Kay. ..And it's not like you told _me_ about having a thing for Joe.'

'Say what? I don't have a thing for Joe,' Kaylee answered in a raised, defensive tone.

Claire smirked at the fact of how easy she could make Kaylee forget about a previous subject. She lifted one eyebrow. 'Right. Whatever.'

'I pray for a good year and a healthy li-'

'Do we _have_ to do this, mom?' Her mother opened her eyes and looked at Claire with a frown. The expression itself got Claire to sigh and close her eyes again, finishing their prayer before dinner.

'And a healthy life, happiness to my daughter and me.'

'And Snort,' Claire finished with a playful smile, causing her mother to briefly open one eye again.

The silence stretched on as Claire was getting ready to repeat her mother, or say something alike, something cheesy. But a thought suddenly crossed her mind, like a light bulb flickering to life above her head, and made her wait. Her eyebrows pulled together, casting a shadow across her now open eyes. She dropped her vision to her empty plate and unfolded her hands, ignoring her waiting mother. When Claire spoke, her voice was loud and clear.

'I pray... joy to the world. Peace for every boy and girl.' She bit her lip. 'Hope,' her voice broke, 'when life is hard.' Claire's voice dropped to a whisper. 'Light when everything seems dark.' Claire knew her mother was looking at her with a surprised expression, Claire knew God probably didn't exist, let alone listened to her, but none of that mattered. One of the last things her father had said to her right before he'd walked out of the door and out of her life, July 25th, was: "When your dreams are withing reach, Claire, you have to grab hold of them with both hands and never, _never ever_, let go. Promise me, Claire." This was her keeping her promise.

_God, I know you're listening. And you can hear the need of every broken heart and all their tears. I don't have a lot to offer, just this one simple prayer. That this Christmas everyone would know somebody cares. I pray that every hungry soul will be filled and will be warm. That not a single, solitary child would suffer harm. I don't ask for much, just one simple favor for myself._

Claire opened her eyes, whispering 'please,' under her breath.

'What was that, honey? You've got tears in your eyes,' her mother said with a concerned tone.

'I'm fine,' Claire said as she blinked the tears away. 'Mom, can I ask for one, little, thing? For Christmas this year? I don't need _anything_ else around the tree. An early Christmas present?'

Her mother stared at her with question marks in her eyes.

'I want to go to their concert.'


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 17, S.O.S.**

"_so dim that spotlight/tell me things like/I can't take my eyes off of you/I'm no one special/just another wide-eyed girl/who's desperately in love with you/give me your photograph/to hang on my wall/superstar" - Superstar, Taylor Swift_

The screen slowly loaded, one by one revealing bits of the site. Claire removed the TeamJonas site, where her and Kaylee had just ordered their tickets to the JB concert, and started scrolling down the page. She didn't have much time – Matt would be there in half an hour – so she quickly scanned the headings for something important. Kaylee was slouching in her chair beside Claire, her elbow perched up on the tabletop and her cheek leaning against her fist. As Claire slowly scrolled further down, something caught her eye. She held her breath, her hand frozen on the mouse. Joe leaning down, kissing Ashley Greene. She felt Kaylee flinch and, out of the corner of her eye, saw her bite her lip. But when Claire casually peeked at her, Kaylee's expression was blank, and there were no signs whatsoever that she cared about the pictures.

'I guess the rumors were true after all,' Claire mumbled, trying to lighten the mood, but quickly moving on.

She got to a bunch of unreleased photos of Nick in London for Les Miserables and enlarged them. As she clicked through them all, pausing a second or two to admire them, Kaylee coughed conspicuously.

'Are you gonna look at all 85 pictures?'

Claire glanced at the clock on the bottom right of her screen and sighed. Unwillingly, she dragged her hand towards the red button at the top.

'Hey babe, I had fun tonight,' Matt said, sitting down next to Claire. I guess we have a different perspective on the word "fun", she thought, controlling herself not say it out loud. Instead, she smiled vaguely and looked at the table. Everything was still set, left for her to clean up all by herself. The whole night hadn't even been worth asking her mother if she could stay with a friend for dinner, giving Claire and Matt some privacy. She had made dinner plans for just the two of them, Matt and her. But instead, he'd shown up with two of his friends. The entire night could be described in four words: awkward situations and empty conversations. Nothing more. Claire didn't get it, the last time they'd hung out Matt had been literally all over her. But now that Claire gave him another chance to really connect, he brought two of his crazy friends. And crazy was an understatement. It wasn't like Claire had something against hanging out with your boyfriend's friends, but they were nowhere near being ready for that. Not when they had barely even gotten the chance to get to know each other. Which was weird, since they'd been going out for quite a while now. Claire realized that up to know they'd never had an honest conversation. Sure, he was cute, but there was nothing deep about their relationship. Nothing that went beyond plain sight. She knew what she had to do, and it wasn't easy. But it wasn't her fault it hadn't worked out. They just didn't fit. Or maybe it was her fault, maybe Claire just wasn't able to love a person when her heart was already clouded by so many others. It was only fair that she didn't force him in a crowded spot next to her family, the Jonas Brothers _and_ Kaylee. Let alone making him replace Nick, he would never be able to live up to that status. She sucked in a deep gust of air, her voice trembling as she said the words.

'Matt, I don't think we should do this anymore.'

"S.O.S." Claire texted Kaylee as she sat down on her bed. A minute later she got a text back, but it wasn't from Kaylee.

"Miss you already. & sorry for miscommunication. Second chance?" Claire slowly shook her head, questioning her decisions. But she knew Matt couldn't have changed over the course of a few hours and – even if she did give him a second chance – everything would still be the same. Her thumb hovered over the "delete" button, 1..2..3.. seconds, and she pressed the "answer" button.

"Sorry. But we can still be friends?"

Ironically, she didn't get a text back right away. Not right away and not after an hour. But it was better that way. If he was being a jerk by not wanting to be just friends with her made it all the more right that she broke up with him. Still, Claire felt sick. Not about Matt himself, not about him at all. About the person he wasn't. The person she wanted him to be, the person she needed in her life right now. The person who had _always_ been there for her, without even knowing it. Claire knew the person in her mind wasn't the same as in real life. It was more like a reflection. All these long years, she'd been watching him from behind glass. Fragile, thin and shaking glass. One little push could bring it to shatter. That one little push had turned out to be a big push. Something that had left the glass unrepairable. The push had been a near-kiss and the one giving it had been Nicholas Jonas. And now Claire was walking on the broken shatters. But she didn't know which Nick she was longing to right now. The Nick she imagined him to be, made up by mere pictures and Youtube videos, or the real Nick, the one who was out there performing to millions of girls at that exact moment but also the one who was unfamiliar to her. And in an instant Claire realized why she'd pulled away when he'd tried to kiss her. She'd been afraid. Scared to death that her fantasy-Nick and the real-Nick were going to collide. Scared the real-Nick was nothing like she'd expected, like she'd imagined, like fantasy-Nick. Her heart was in two, one half for the unreal and one half for the unknown. She was walking on broken glass, and she was bleeding. If she wasn't going to decide which Nick she cared for, the scars would only get deeper. For the millionth time, Claire wished she could turn back time.

She stood up from the bed, walked over to her drawer and pulled it open. She took out a book, revealing underneath the thing she'd been looking for. It was a small piece of gridded paper, torn out of a notebook. The edges were curled and the drawing was slightly fading. A heart, with an arrow through it, and empty spaced at both ends of the arrow. Three dots each, waiting for names to fill them. Claire smiled and put it back after a minute, placing the book on top again. Her thoughts wandered to that night when she'd gotten a personal phone call from Nick – asking her if she could come to Les Mis – and wondered if he still had her number. It was just a thought, the smallest of thoughts, but a second later the room was filled by the sound of Claire's ring tone. She jumped at the sudden voice.

"I want someone to love me for who I am, I want someone to need m-"

Claire had snagged the phone off of her cupboard without looking at the little screen who was calling and held it to her ear. She was out of breath.

'Hello?'


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 18, Feeling Alive**

'Hey girl, how did it go?'

It was just Kaylee. Claire relaxed and sat down. She didn't want to admit to herself who she had been expecting to call and why.

'How did what go?' Claire answered, trying to keep her tone light.

'Matt. Your boyfriend, remember? I'm sorry I didn't get your text earlier.'

Claire swallowed and mumbled, 'I broke up with him. It's over.'

It was silent for a second on the other end of the phone. 'Wow, are you OK? I guess it's better this way, huh?'

'I guess.' She sighed. 'I'm fine.' Claire knew Kaylee would be there at her locker the next day at school to make sure she really was fine. Kaylee was the kind of person who wouldn't be pleased before she got you to laugh again.

'Listen, don't be down in the dumps, at least we've got the concert to look forward to. Plus, I've got a little surprise for you. Joe just texted me and we came up with the best idea.'

Thousands of people, forming a long line, were waiting outside to enter the arena for the Jonas Brothers concert. The sun was going down and the moon was just becoming visible in the sky. Once Claire and Kaylee were inside, the background for the rest of the evening became loud and clear: fans singing and shrieking at the top of their lungs. The anticipation was thick as the screams rose to an ear piercing volume. The two of them were pumped and fully prepared for the show. They had perfect places, something that was a reward for camping out the night before. If they would squeeze just a little closer, shoving past three or four people, they'd be able to touch the edge of the stage. They prepared themselves for a night full of ear-damage as the girls surrounding them were screaming their ears off even before the show had started.

The opening belonged to the Camp Rock cast, followed by Demi Lovato. Even thought both Claire and Kaylee were there for the three brothers, they enjoyed Demi's songs just as much. Claire knew Kaylee was much more of a fan than her, singing along to all the words.

After Demi was done, you could feel the anticipation and electricity running and pumping throughout the building. Claire and Kaylee hurried to the restroom to get something to drink to keep their voices in tact, before the Jonas Brothers came on stage.

Moments later, the lights went out – and the screams continued, growing louder and louder. The darkness was illuminated by a sea of blue cell-phone lights and Claire's heart started racing. Then the kick drum of "Feelin' Alive" blasted through the speakers – getting everyone to sing along as loud as possible, and making Kaylee perform some air guitar moves. Right from that opening song, Claire could feel the energy emanating from the three of them. There was nothing that referenced to the fact that Kaylee actually knew them, and they swayed along with the rest of the crowd just like anyone else. Claire's thoughts got clouded as she switched off her consciousness and focused on the music and the boys only.

Joe headed to the very end of the stage – fans snatching at his shoes, his jeans, his knees – and he crouched to roam his arm across the extended hands. His eyes crossed Claire's and Kaylee's, but his expression didn't change and his voice didn't falter. He was in his vibe, completely tuned in to the fans. His hand touched Kaylee's and she grabbed hold of it, giving it a soft squeeze before she let go. He winked at her and got up again, moving on with the songs. At least he knew they were there. Claire raised up her hand as high as possible, pretending she could touch the sky, and moved her body to the upbeat tempo.

Demi came up once more for two duets with Joe, and Claire kept one eye on Kaylee for any mood changes, but her smile never faded. The highlight for Claire was Nick's performance of "Who I Am" and the rest of the show she watched him bounce between vocals, guitar, and piano. She stood on her tiptoes, and waved her light stick up in the air throughout most of the songs.

Towards the end of the night, everyone was feeling excited and energetic. And the show ended with "S.O.S." and "Burning Up".

The whole Camp Rock cast, Demi, and the boys came back once more for the closing of the show and to give thanks to the crowd, and then they all left the stage for the evening.

Claire's ears were still ringing and the shrieks were drilled deep into her head. She tried to say something to Kaylee, but the music had been so loud it was hard to hear her own voice now. It had been like nothing Claire had expected, nor experienced. The crowd had been huge and noisy, but it had been worth every penny. Her broad smile was permanent for at least the next few hours. As the crowd slowly thinned out, Kaylee took out her phone, took Claire by the arm, and headed the opposite way the other fans were going. This was when they became more than just two regular fans going to their concert.

Claire could feel her eyelids closing, sliding towards sleep. Summer break couldn't come quicker as far as she was concerned. A week before the end of school, the Jonas Brothers would be wrapping up tour. And Kaylee hadn't been lying when she'd said her and Joe had come up with the best idea. Four words: NickJoeClaire&Kaylee. Allsummerlong. Onehouse. L.A.

It was more than an idea, it was an opportunity. Something worth dreaming of, and Claire drifted off into a deep, pleasant sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 19, Jonas L.A.**

'Promise me you'll call a few times.'

Claire nodded and smiled. 'I'm not going away for life, mom.'

Her mother made a face. 'I'm still going to miss you. It's – what? – eight weeks away?'

'Seven.' Claire sighed. 'Are you sure you're going to be OK?'

'Of course. I've gone through worse.' She frowned vaguely. 'But as long as you're having fun.'

'I just don't like the idea of leaving you here alone. Just.. Just call me when you need me.'

'I will.' Her mother flashed a smile. 'If you bring me back an autograph.'

'Mo-'

'And a picture.'

'Mom, I don't want them to think I'm some sort of crazy fan girl.'

Her mother looked at the luggage standing next to Claire in the doorway, then over Claire's shoulder at Kaylee waiting in the car. She took a step forward and pulled her daughter in for a hug.

'I know, Claire Bear. I mean, _Bonus Jonas_. I can't believe how lucky you are. You know what your father used to say to you?'

Claire knew what her mother meant. She hadn't forgotten about the advice he used to say so often. 'Life's too short. So take the time and appreciate.' She felt her mother nod against her hair.

'Remember that, always do.'

It was hot outside. That was the first thing that crossed Claire's mind, the weather. She was obviously overdressed, in faded, ripped jeans and her favorite white "travel" cardigan. Kaylee was wearing shorts and an over-sized shirt with "FREE HUGS" on it. Claire felt ridiculous next to her and shrugged her cardigan off, revealing the black Jonas shirt she'd bought at the concert. She took in her outfit, wondering if she should have worn something better for their first "meeting". Claire hated traveling, which was why she'd put on something she felt most comfortable in.

Kaylee'd been mumbling the same song over and over again in the plane, and at the moment she was repeating one sentence from the song.

'Hopped off the plane at LAX, with a dream and my cardigan.' Kaylee pointed at Claire's cardigan hanging over her arm when she got to the last word. And then she sang it again. And again. Every time pointing at the white cardigan. Claire rolled her eyes, and Kaylee noticed.

'Do you know how many songs are about L.A.? I mean, if you want to be anything in the bizz, you have to come here.'

'I don't want to be anything in "the bizz".' Claire made bunny ears with her fingers at the last word.

Kaylee continued singing, this time a different song. 'L.A., L.A. Baby,' her voice dropped 'she's my,' and rose again 'L.A., L.A. baby.'

Claire laughed, shaking her head. 'You are so crazy, Kay. People are staring.'

Kaylee went on with the song as if she hadn't heard Claire, and even sang louder when they passed someone. This was what Claire loved about her. She was the perfect opposite of herself, the yin to the yang. For example, this was something she'd never do, singing in public. And even if she had the nerve, she'd get tomato red anyway. But being with Kaylee, it made her feel like she could take on the world. So she just laughed and sang along with the chorus on a low key. The breeze softly blew in her face, making her black hair whirl around behind her. Kaylee abruptly stopped singing and hooked arms with Claire.

'This is gonna be _ah_-mazing. I can't wait to hear about the tour,' she said.

'Can't wait to _see_ them. You should have seen the look on my mom's face when she heard I'm gonna spend the summer with the band she knows I've been obsessed with practically my whole life.'

Kaylee grinned. 'Not obsessed. More like a true fan. You're a..' She searched for the right word. 'An OJD patient.'

'OJD?'

'Obsessive Jonas Disorder.' She said it as if it was an actual disease, completely serious about it.

Claire laughed. She was laughing a lot since she came here, maybe it was the mood that came with L.A. 'I _do _need my daily dose of Jonas.'

Kaylee stared out in the distance, as if she was looking for the house, which was nonsense of course. 'It's a shame Kevin couldn't make it. Can't blame him though for wanting to spend the summer with his wife. Kenielle is so perfect. I mean, have you seen those two together?'

'Don't tell me you're actually using those nicknames? And yeah, in videos, who doesn't think they're cute needs to have their eyes checked.'

'Kenielle, Niley, Nelena, Nemi.'

Claire automatically narrowed her eyes at the last three, instinctively, she couldn't help it. But she'd noticed Kaylee hadn't named the ones that involved Joe.

'Jemi, Jelena.. _Jashley._' She watched Kaylee's face, but it didn't change. And if it did bother her, she was good at hiding it.

'Whatever. The nicknames are cute, and easier to say. Everyone uses them, so why not me?'

Claire pretended as if she was thinking real hard, her sarcasm voice up. 'Oh I don't know.. Because you're not like everyone else!'

Kaylee shrugged. 'You know what I just realized?' It was a rhetorical question but she waited until Claire shook her head. 'That you get _Click_ if you put you and Nick's name together. That's so cool. _Click._ Like a gun, when you're out of bullets. Or a computer mouse. Or when your bubble gum blows. Or when you do that thing with your tongue. Or-'

'OK, you made your point! I get it, jeez.' Claire smiled broadly, slowly shaking her head. Then she unhooked her arm, taking a step away from Kaylee. 'You can say all you like but I'm rooting for _Jaylee._' After she saw the look on Kaylee's face she'd been expecting, she took off running.

Kaylee laughed and followed after her, even though she knew that deep down inside she didn't mind the nickname at all.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 20, Send It On**

The first one coming into view was Nick. He opened the door and his face lit up.

'We were wondering when you guys would finally come,' he said with a smirk.

Kaylee grinned and shoved past him. 'Claire's fault. We had a little,' she winked at Claire. '_misunderstanding._'

Nick stepped aside to let Claire in and closed the door. 'I hope nothing bad.' He took over Claire's bags and put them next to where Kaylee had dumped hers. Claire glanced around the room. Kaylee's aunt, who was away for the summer, had a small house. Some would find it cozy, some would find it claustrophobic. Claire thought of it as the first, since she was used to not much room back home.

Nick briefly hugged Kaylee. 'It's good to see both of you again.' He nodded at Claire with a vague smile playing around his lips.

At that moment Joe rounded the corner, wearing a smile on his face. It was like the room instantly got brighter with his presence. His eyes immediately found Kaylee's, but moved over to Claire. She looked like she wasn't completely comfortable yet and awkwardly raised her hand, intended as a waving gesture.

'I only do hugs,' Joe said and gave her a warm, welcoming hug. He could feel Claire relax under his touch. He stepped away, his eyes already on Kaylee, and crossed the space between them in less than two strides. His arms closed around her for a big bear hug and Kaylee wrapped hers around his neck. Her feet lost touch with the ground, she could feel Joe's breath warming her shoulder. Then he put her back down and pulled away, his hands still lightly placed on her upper arms. His eyes were sparkling.

'I missed you.'

'We both missed you, Kayl,' Nick said, patting Joe on the shoulder.

Claire sucked in some air and tried to look busy taking in the room. But she felt out of place, and she briefly doubted the decision of coming here with Kaylee. But Joe seemed to notice both him and Nick had their backs towards Claire and turned to her.

'I hope you're liking L.A. so far. This summer is going to be epic.'

Claire smiled. She could see why Kaylee was into him, if she even was in the first place. He was the kind of guy you couldn't get mad at no matter what he did. Of course, that didn't come as a surprise to her, since Joe was known for his charms both on and off stage.

'I'll go make something to eat and then we'll show you around the house, Claire.' Joe took off to what Claire figured was the kitchen. She took in Nick's pose; hands in his pockets and eyes on the ground, completely lost in his thoughts.

Kaylee came up from behind him, 'Just because she doesn't walk around with a "FREE HUGS" tee, doesn't mean she doesn't want one.' She slightly pushed him towards Claire.

Nick took one quick look at Kaylee's shirt, smirked, and pulled Claire in for a hug. It was short, but it felt good nonetheless to her. 'That'll be five dollars,' she said with a playful smile.

Scratches. Claire's head snapped towards the sound. It was like someone, or something, was scraping its nails or claws across the door outside. Claire was leaning against the counter in the kitchen, odd enough all by herself. Joe had gotten a call on his phone and had gone to another room to talk in private, Kaylee had to go to the bathroom, and Nick was taking all their stuff upstairs to their room. The sound reached Claire's ears again. Definitely a continuing scraping. She cocked her head in the direction it was coming from and slowly started walking towards the front door. It was getting louder. She hesitantly rested her hand on the handle. Then she heard a soft 'meow', and opened the door. Blowing out some air, she looked at a black cat sitting in front of the threshold. It meowed once more and took off across the street. Claire frowned as she watched the animal dribbling towards the road. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a huge black shape coming up, but at the time she realized it was a car, the cat was already at the edge of the road. And it was about to cross. Her eyes widened as she started to jog towards the cat. She didn't want to scare it away, but the car was coming closer with each second.

'Hey! Stop!' she yelled at the car, throwing one hand up. But it didn't slow down and the cat was halfway across the road. Suddenly the animal stopped in its tracks, looked at the approaching car, and then over its shoulder at Claire. It was just staring at her like there wasn't a moving vehicle coming its way with fifty miles an hour. Claire's mouth was gaping. She was just about to run across the street in an attempt to either force the car to stop or snag the cat away, when someone bumped into her with a blow that made her twist away from the scenario. She didn't take the time to take a look at the man, her eyes straight on the road again. But the car had already moved on and, miraculously, the black cat was sitting on the other side of the street staring at her. An anxious breath escaped her mouth and her shoulders relaxed as she watched the creature move along across the pavement. Then she remembered the man bumping in to her and searched the street for the rude guy. She found him halfway across the road, walking in a swift pace. He briefly turned his head towards her. Claire gasped, going cold all over.

That face.

So familiar.

It couldn't be.

Her legs started to move on its own, carrying her towards the man who was almost at the corner of the street across the road now. She started running. 'Dad!' The word had slipped out of her mouth without a warning. But it felt good. 'Dad!' She was so certain of that face, she would recognize it anywhere. The man didn't respond, and rounded the corner. Claire sped up, almost there, using her last breath. And then the street the man had walked into came into view.

She stopped, her feet hammered into the ground. It was deserted. Row upon row of houses, but no man in sight. Her face fell.

There was a bum sitting on the ground against the wall, facing the street, staring at her.

'Did you see a man come by here?' Claire asked him warily, not sure if it may have been an illusion.

'Tall, dark hair, friendly face?' the old man answered in a confirmation, his voice hoarse and weary.

She took a step closer to him, immediately getting overwhelmed by the smell of cigarettes and old clothe. Unwashed skin and unbrushed teeth. She flinched away. 'Did you see where he went?'

'I might.'

Claire sighed, took another look at the empty street and tried again. 'Please, where did he g-'

'Sophisticated. Very fancy,' the old man talked right through Claire's words. 'Pretty shoes, I liked his shoes, pretty pretty shoes.' He sounded like a crazy man. Crazy and old. But Claire knew her father always wears a suit, and expensive shoes. She didn't have time to realize she was talking in the present tense.

'Sir, this is very important to me. Can you please try to listen.'

'And a wedding ring – a pretty, shiny diamond ring. You know, I once had a wife.' Her father and mother were married. Claire was starting to panic.

'The man, did you see-'

'Her name was Charlotte and boy, was she pretty. Long, wavy, blond hair all the way to her hips.'

She knew she'd lost the old man, he was rambling about his wife he probably didn't even have. She stared out into the streets. Deserted. The background was still filled with the story about the old man's wife, his raw voice filled with excitement. Claire started back towards the house, but something caught her eye in her turn. It was the black cat, neatly sitting next to the bum.

'Is that your cat?' She turned back towards him, snapping him out of his story. 'Is that your cat?'

The man stared at her with a seemingly blank expression, but his jaw flexed and he didn't blink.

'You see, your cat was at my door. It almost got hit by a car,' Claire said with a hint of accusation, and realized she'd gotten his attention again. 'Look, did you see where the guy with the pretty shoes went?'

The old man blinked once. 'Why yes. Why didn't you just ask me right away if that's what you wanted to know. It's not like I've got anything better to do here. He went that way.' His index finger was pointed at the sky. Claire frowned. 'What?'

'Oh and I almost forgot. He left you something. Come here, girl.'

Claire scooted closer and crouched in front of him.

'Yes, he told me to give this to the girl with the pretty, blue, sky eyes.' One finger motioned towards her eyes. She could clearly see his worn expression now. Claire had blue eyes, but dark blue, not something you would call a "sky blue".

His hand disappeared into the pocket of his jacket and came back with a piece of folded paper. He held it out to her. 'Pretty paper,' his rough voice sounded as he rubbed his thumb across the texture. Claire's eyes were fixed on the paper as she took it with one hand, but the old man wasn't letting go. The tone of his voice made her head snap back up at his face.

'He said you would understand.' It was like someone else was talking and he was just moving his mouth. It was still his voice but now more clear and almost.. younger. His expression was more serene and calm.

'He told me to say to you that you should move on. A word's just a word until you mean what you say. And love isn't love until you give it away, Claire.'

How did he know her name? She pulled harder on the paper, but his grip was firm.

'Be strong and look around you. You want a light in the darkness, but you're too blind to see that the light is yours to shine. There's power in all of the choices we make.'

She pulled with both hands, but he didn't let go. It was getting harder to breath.

'It's right in front of you, don't be afraid to take that last step and close the distance.'

Her nails dug into the paper as he suddenly let go. She fell back against the pavement, the paper clenched in her hands. Claire scrambled back up, looking at the bum with big, scared eyes.

'Who are you?'

'I used to go by the name of Peter, but my wifey didn't like that name, so I changed it to Harry.'

His normal voice was back, old and ragged. 'Did I tell you about my wife? Her name was Charlotte and she had long, wavy, brown hair all the way up to her waste.'

Claire resisted the urge of telling him that he'd said his wife had blond hair. The story was already background noise to her anyway. Instead, she stared at the folded paper in her hands. Slowly, she unfolded it, smoothening out the creases. She knew what it was before she saw the handwritten words.

"_Dear God"_, it read, "_I know you can't be happy with what's going down."_ She didn't have to read more, she knew what it said. She wrote it. Her hands started to tremble, and her vision blurred.

One single, solitary tear drop fell from her eye and onto the paper. It spread across the texture, sucking its way through the paper. The word _"Jonas"_ was unreadable now, the ink mixing with the salt of her tear.

The wind picked up. She'd cried. And it was so worth it.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 21, I Will Be The Light**

Trembles ran down Claire's spine, shivers creeping up her neck. She was numb, unable to feel the cold dropping on her body like splashes of freezing winter water. She was inside the house, safe and warm, but her teeth were clattering. She sat back against the couch, rapping her arms around herself. Images flashed through her mind. A black cat. An old man. They all seemed so far away, in another life time. She didn't know how long ago Kaylee had found her lying on the streets, clutching her legs up to her chin. It was hard to keep track of time with a mind so occupied. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the door open and close, a boy walking towards her. Nick. He sat down next to her and gently took her hand. His fingers forced hers to open and he pushed something in her hand. Claire glanced down at it. Five dollar.

'What's this?' Her voice sounded off, a stranger's voice, she didn't recognize it. She cleared her throat.

'I could have gone to Kaylee for a free hug,' his tone reflected a smile. 'but I thought you might need one a little more than she does right now.'

Claire looked up at him. Her eyes were filled with tears, ready to spill over at her command. She allowed herself to cry today, she'd already broken her promise anyway. Her arms were around his neck before she even knew it, her face pressed into his gray sweater. He closed his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

'Thank you,' she said through the tears, not only thanking him for the hug. She was thanking him for being there yet again, just like him and his brothers had helped her through it four years ago.

They stayed that way, even when the color of his gray sweater was starting to turn darker at his shoulder with every tear staining the fabric.

Claire pressed her thumbs against her temples and slowly started rubbing them around in circles. When she opened her eyes again, Kaylee, Nick, and Joe, were all staring at her. They were sitting around the kitchen table. Kaylee was the first to break the silence.

'Claire, are you going to tell us what happened or not?'

Joe softly coughed, he was clearly out of element. Nick was staring intently at Claire's face.

'I..' Claire really didn't know where to begin. She wasn't sure if she should tell them the truth, lie, or some of both. Telling the complete truth was definitely not an option, not even Claire herself was completely sure of what she'd seen.

'I wasn't feeling well,' she swallowed. 'so I went outside to take a breath.' Claire paused, not really intending to continue again.

'What happened next? I found you all alone on the street, for crying out loud,' Kaylee said, her voice full of worry.

'Alone?' Claire immediately thought of the old man and his cat. Kaylee nodded.

'I don't know what exactly happened next,' Claire said with a frown, trying to buy her some more time to think her "half-lie" through. 'But I.. I saw something that reminded me of my father, and I freaked out.' Kaylee took her hand. 'I guess that's when I broke down and you found me.'

Kaylee gave her a compassionate smile. 'Are you sure you're going to be OK this summer?'

Claire quickly nodded. 'Of course. It won't happen again. It'll be a good thing to take my mind off of things.' She felt bad looking at Kaylee, her best friend, but this wasn't something she could share with anyone. This was something strictly for herself, something she was going to bury in the back of her mind.

'How are you?'

Claire jumped at Nick's voice, swirling around to look at him. She was standing in the backyard, connecting the stars to form shapes. No one had said anything when Claire had gotten up with a low 'Just gonna take some air.' while they'd been watching TV. Thinking was easier without constant unnecessary background noises. Claire turned back to the stars.

'Fine, I guess. I hope Kaylee didn't send you here to get me.'

Nick stopped next to her and followed her gaze to the sky.

'Nope. Kind of the opposite. I thought I'd give them some privacy.' Claire smiled at the fact that she obviously wasn't the only one suspicious about the whole "Jaylee" thing. Nick continued on a tad lower key, 'And I was sort of wondering how long you'd be able to stand out here in the cold.'

Claire snorted. 'It's not that cold.' She'd forgotten how easy it was talking to Nick, how easy it was to get caught up in a sentimental conversation. This almost felt like that night in London. Claire quickly pushed back the memories that came with that thought. There was something about Nick that made her either squeal in a typical crazed fan way; or totally forget about the fact that she had spent most of her life drooling at his pictures, and just be Claire. The way she was with Kaylee.

Nick sighed, reached inside the back pocket of his jeans and held something out to her. She hesitantly took it. It was her letter. She'd thought Kaylee had found her without it, that maybe – hopefully – it actually _was_ an illusion.

'I was just coming downstairs when Kaylee came running through the door. I was the first to get to you, I carried you home, and that's when I saw this in your hands.' Claire focused on his words, unable to ignore the part "I carried you home". 'I didn't mean to read it but-'

'You read it,' Claire finished his sentence, turning red. Nick fiddled with his hair, pulling on a curl slightly overlapping his forehead. He dropped his hand again and looked at her.

'It's a beautiful letter. You shouldn't be ashamed of it.' When he didn't get an answer, he added, 'So, did you get a sign down?'

Claire bit her lip, not sure of the answer herself. She settled with a simple shrug and stuffed the letter into her pocket. The silence lasted for about a minute.

'What are you-' Claire peeked at his face at the sound of his voice, finding a small smile growing in his expression. 'What are you doing out here?'

'Clearing my mind.' She smiled at him. 'And looking at the stars. Interesting, huh?'

Nick chuckled. The beauty of his smile made her quickly look away.

'Yeah well, that's the story of my life.' Her face fell, remembering how she used to watch the stars with her mom and dad. In the end, they would always kiss, and Claire would make disgusted noises and try to get back in the center of attention. She missed those times. Nick noticed her expression. She looked up and met his eyes. It was like they were staring right into her soul. It almost made her confess to everything what was on her mind, but she swallowed back the words forming in her throat.

'What?'

Nick blinked. 'I was just thinking about how you cried.'

Claire felt the red blaze creeping up her neck again. 'Yeah, sorry about the sweater.' She frowned.

'That night in London,' Her frown turned into a smile when she realized he hadn't forgotten about that night and was possibly still thinking about it just as much as herself. 'you said crying made you feel weak.' His sincere eyes were burning into hers. 'It's not weak. It's a way of showing that you care.'

It made perfect sense. Somehow Claire hadn't noticed the silence around them before, the darkest of darkness filling the gap between them. She remembered the thing that old man had said about not being afraid to take that last step and close the distance. Without thinking, she took a step closer. Claire felt more secure in the darkness, more at ease with showing her feelings. The same thought that had crossed her mind that night at the campsite – when she'd been sitting outside with Kaylee staring at the stars – came floating to the surface as if it had never left. The sizzling fire that had been burning in her heart for Nick had just gotten refueled by a spark, and it was coursing with crackling flames throughout her entire body. Their fingers accidentally touched, and without a second thought, she intertwined her hand with his. She wanted to pull her hand back, shocked about her action, but the warmth of his skin made her feel so safe and secure. Nick wasn't moving, his eyes still on hers. He gently squeezed her hand, and that did it for Claire. She stood on her tiptoes, head bend up. But before their lips could touch, Nick let go of her hand and took a quick step back. Claire knew what he must have felt like that one time. Rejected. That was the only word coming even close to describing how she felt. He ran his hand through his tousled curls, his expression apologetic. 'I'm sorry. I can't. Not tonight.'

She knew those two last words would be spooking through her mind for a while.

'But you can trust me, Claire. If there's anything that's on your mind, I'm here for you.'

Claire took in a deep breath. She knew how Nick made her feel, and talking to him like this almost felt like talking to someone she'd know her entire life. Of course, that was partially true. The words came rolling out of her mouth like someone had pushed a button that said "Spill secrets".

'I think I just saw my dead father.'


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 22, Introducing Me**

She braced herself for Nick's reaction. His frown had gotten deeper with every second as Claire had explained to him what had happened.

'Wow. That's unlike anything I've ever heard.' He rubbed his forehead and sighed.

'It probably sounds crazy. I don't even know why I'm telling you this,' Claire said uncomfortably.

'Does Kaylee know?'

She shook her head.

'Well... I can't say I believe what you saw,' Nick said hesitantly. 'But I do believe _you _for what you _think_ you saw,' he said with a sympathetic smile. 'If that even makes sense. Whatever happened though..,' his voice drifted off. His eyes found Claire's after a few seconds. 'I wish I could do something to make you feel better.'

Slowly but certain, a smile was creeping up Claire's mouth. 'You're already making me feel better.'

'Good.' He slightly shook his head. 'I don't know how you do it, but it feels like I've known you longer than this.' A sigh. 'It feels good to talk to someone outside this whole "fame" thing.'

Claire just smiled at him. She didn't want to ruin the moment. In her head she was saying "you have no idea how cute you look right now" and "I feel exactly the same; like we've known each other longer" but she just kept her expression on pokerface. For some odd reason, she didn't care that much about him stepping away when she'd tried to kiss him. It seemed so insignificant next to him saying it felt good to talk to her. It seemed so_ irrelevant _next to standing in the dark without feeling afraid just because Nick was by her side. Next to feeling like he actually cared about what she thought and said. Next to feeling like he didn't think of her as a fan, but as a friend. It was perfectly fine this way, and she was perfectly happy talking to the one she'd admired her entire life.

Claire just smiled, and he smiled back.

'Yay! I buy the "Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco",' Kaylee said proudly and gave Joe $2,800,000. While he was busy counting the money – as if she would cheat – Kaylee took the yellow card from the pile and put it next to the two others in her collection: "Hollywood, Los Angeles" and "French Quarter, New Orleans". She laughed darkly. 'And now that I own the full street, let the money come rolling in.'

Joe rolled his eyes. Claire sighed and desperately started counting her money again. She was losing. For the third time.

It had been too hot to go outside all day, so Joe, Kaylee and Claire had been wasting their time playing Monopoly since this morning. Nick had been playing on his guitar in the guest room where Joe and him stayed – next to Kaylee's aunt's room where Kaylee and Claire stayed. He'd said good morning to the three of them and gone upstairs to work on a new song. It was passed noon when he came shuffling into the living room, finding his brother and the two girls sitting on the ground surrounding the small table. He lifted his hand in a wave, mumbled a greeting and fell onto the couch.

Joe threw his head back and let out an exasperated cry. 'I'm doomed!' he announced sadly and started fake crying until Kaylee punched him in the arm.

'Be a man, Joe. Just give me all your money and get your ass out of my beautiful street.'

Claire laughed and saw Nick's face twist into a smile out of the corner of her eye. She was trying not to look at him, trying not to get distracted from the game. But while Kaylee and Joe were arguing about if Joe had been hiding money in his lap or not, she innocently peeked up at him. Nick was staring at nothing, obviously in thoughts. He must have sensed her eyes on him, because he broke his gaze and looked at Claire. A smile was tugging at the corners of his lips as he examined Claire's amount of money and streets she owned.

'I see you're winning,' he said with a sarcastic tone.

Claire breathed in. 'Yah, I'm obviously the most skilled in this room.'

'Maybe. For all you know I may be the world champion in Monopoly.'

'Is that so? Why don't you join us then,' she playfully bit her lip – holding back a smile, '_world's best Monopoly player._'

For a second, Nick's expression changed into something unreadable. It was the kind of expression someone wore when they'd just realized they'd left their keys inside while closing the door behind them. But it faded just as quick as it had come. Claire wondered if she'd said something that could have upset him. Nick stood up and looked at the stairs, as if eager to get out of the room.

'Maybe another time, I'm not really in the mood.'

'_Board_ games make you _bored_, right?' Claire said, quoting him.

Nick frowned. 'I used to say that when I was little. How did you-'

'You said it in a video on the Jonas Brothers album,' Claire explained, slightly getting red at the thought that she might sound like an alarming fan. Since they'd arrived here, she'd been trying hard to act normal and smooth around Joe and Nick.

Nick nodded, remembering. 'Of course.' Then he glanced at Joe and Kaylee, smiled, and said, 'I'll be upstairs if you need me.' After taking one last look at Claire, he headed to the stairs. Claire watched him until he was out of view and frowned. There had been something in his eyes when he'd looked at her. Something almost scared, like he was grateful to get as far away as possible from Claire. She shook the unsettling thought off and turned back to Joe and Kaylee. They were half-wrestling, completely distracted from the game. Claire didn't feel like getting on their nerves by snapping them back into the game. She wasn't winning anyway.

'_Is_ roller coasters fun, Joe?' Kaylee said through her laughs.

Claire softly giggled at Kaylee's remark. Everyone knew Joe's grammar was.. lacking. And that sentence he'd said during a live chat had made history among Jonas fans.

'_Now_ you crossed the line,' he said playfully, putting on an angry expression. Kaylee backed up a few inches, still laughing.

'I'm not afraid of you, "Joeypoo",' she said, quoting Vanessa Page's nickname for him in Jonas L.A. Joe threw his fist up, as if to punch her, and Kaylee put her hands in front of her in a defensive way. He lowered his hand, laughing at her reaction.

'Right. Not afraid.' The sarcasm was heavy in his voice.

'I'm serious. You can't scare me. That was just my reflex.'

Joe's face spelled trouble. 'We'll see.' He leaped forward, pulling Kaylee in with both arms. She squealed as he started messing up her hair, quickly ruffling through her locks. Kaylee tickled his sides, quickly got up when his grip weakened, and backed up. Joe was on his feet a second later, not even giving Kaylee a chance to fix her hair, which stood out in every direction. She dodged him trying to get another hold on her, and took off to the kitchen with Joe one step behind her.

Claire followed them with her eyes until they were out of sight and looked back at the board. The "Joeypoo" mention had automatically made her think about a picture she'd seen from Jonas L.A. Nick and Macy leaning in for a kiss. The picture bothered her, and it bothered her that she was bothered by it. It was nothing, fake. An image of Les Miserables flashed by; Nick kissing his co-star who played Cosette – his love interest in the play. Surely he hadn't felt anything at that moment. Surely the kiss had purely been acting.

But if he kissed someone without thinking when it wasn't even real, why wouldn't he kiss her?

'Claire, I'm ordering pizza,' Joe said to her; phone in one hand. 'Nick told me you didn't like pizza, so do you want anything else?'

Claire glanced over at Nick; he was sitting at the table across the room, talking to Kaylee. He must have remembered it from that night they ate at Pizza Express. For some reason, she felt like proving him wrong. Just for the sake of it. She turned back to Joe and shook her head.

'No, pizza'll be fine.' Joe nodded and held the phone to his ear. But before he could open his mouth, Claire blurted, 'Mushrooms and Mozzarella. Please.'

Joe gave her a thumbs up and greeted the person at the other end of the phone. Claire took in a deep breath. What has gotten into myself, she thought.

Half an hour later all four of them were nestled around a small wooden table outside, eating pizza. The air was still murky from the heat wave that day and the green scenery around them was full of beetles, spiders, flies and other creepy inhabitants.

Joe – laughing – carefully took a string of Kaylee's long, blond, wavy hair with two fingers and rapped it under her nose as a mustache. Her sun-kissed face stretched out into a grin.

'Guys, you're not asking,' she said to Claire and Nick in a deep, manly voice. 'But I'm trying to grow a mustache. How's it working out for me?'

'It really brings out your eyes, Kayl,' Nick said with a smile, receiving a cautious glance from Joe. Claire snorted and took another bite. She felt Nick's eyes on her and looked at him in a silent "What?".

'How's the pizza?' he asked casually. Claire figured he was curious about the whole "Pizza Express incident". She slowly chewed, clearing her mouth before answering.

'It's delicious actually. I haven't had pizza since-' She paused. 'a _long_ time. I forgot how good it tastes.' Claire took another bite, this time talking with her mouth still half-full. 'I never liked cheese – I think it smells like feet – but I only used to eat it on a pizza. I definitely missed this.' She swallowed her bite. 'Or on one of my mom's homemade quesadillas.'

Nick frowned slightly, and Claire thought he didn't understand her last remark. 'Cheese,' she said. 'Only on pizza's and sometimes on a homemade quesadilla.'

Nick smiled, showing his teeth, and shook his head. 'You're weird.'

Claire leaned back in her seat, completely feeling at ease. 'And you aren't?'

'I'm not saying that,' he said. He was obviously enjoying himself, his eyes wide and shining. 'You're weird in a good way.'

A blush crept up her cheeks. 'Thanks. I guess.' She focused on her slice, forcing the red haze to settle down again. 'So, now that you know my secret. Tell me something about _you._' Maybe getting the attention off of herself would help.

'That was a secret?,' Nick said smirking, not expecting an answer. 'What do you want to know?'

Like a switch flipping to "ON", the air around them felt tense. Claire noticed Joe and Kaylee had gone inside; leaving Nick and her alone. The night sky in full glory.

'Everything,' she said hoarse, and quickly cleared her throat. She wondered where the sudden tension had come from. Claire hoped he couldn't see her red cheeks in the dark as she realized how close he was sitting.

Nick shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his eyes on his hands. 'I'm not sure if you wanna know the things in my brain.. My heart.'

'Why?' The word came out as a mere whisper, a twist of breath.

'Because I can be thoroughly confusing at times.' His eyes met hers, and a shy smile showed up. 'Though slightly amusing.'

'Slightly?'

'Possibly.'

'Possibly?'

'Hopefully.'

Claire smiled broadly and looked up at the sky, just to keep her eyes off of his face. The light coming from the kitchen door falling on his face at just the right angle made his beauty unbearable.

'I really like it when the moon looks like a toenail,' she said, and the mood was lightened by Nick's low chuckle. A minute passed, and you could almost feel the night gradually getting darker with each second passing by.

'Nick,' she said at last, tasting his name on her tongue. He looked up at her, smiling, and Claire thought she detected a vague blush on his cheeks. 'Name three things that make you happy.'

His expression became thoughtful. 'Cars.'

Typical, Claire thought. 'I've never really been into cars.'

He smiled and went on, ignoring her comment. 'Really cool guitars.'

'Typical,' she thought again; only this time out loud.

'My dog, Elvis.' His eyes briefly turned sad. 'He always eats my food when I'm not watching,' he added with a grin. 'And you?'

Claire breathed in, and out, in, and out. 'Superheros. Checks with lots of zeros on them, so I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore.'

'Aren't those things that _would_ make you happy, instead of things that already make you happy?'

'Maybe, but your answer isn't completely true either.'

He frowned.

'I asked for three things that make you happy. Not three things that you like about your life.'

He raised one eyebrow.

Claire sighed. 'For example, something that makes me truly happy is the sound of violins. The piercing edge of a violin's sound makes me think about the good things in life.'

The way you pronounce the word "dude", the shape of your mouth when it rolls off of your tongue makes me think about the good things in life, she thought to herself and bit her lip to keep from accidentally saying it out loud.

Nick nodded to himself, his expression serious. 'Making someone smile,' he said finally.

Instinctively, Claire gave him a broad smile, and Nick's face lit up.

But his smile faded after a few seconds. 'I'm curious. As a fan, am I like you expected me to be in real life?'

Claire took her plate, got up, and started towards the door. She stopped in the threshold and turned around, softly smiling. 'Even better.' Before he could say anything else, she was gone, leaving him on his own.

Something he had put away in a corner of his mind found its way back into his thoughts. It had been lingering on the edges the entire day, and it had made him restless and uncomfortable. It was something he hadn't felt since that night in London.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 23, Nick Jonas And The Administration**

Claire came slouching downstairs, still in the outfit she wore to bed. Striped, gray shorts and an over sized Road Dogs shirt her mother had bought for her once at a small, unknown store; completely unaware of it being an XL. The back said "Mrs. Nick Jonas" and the colors were slightly faded. Her black hair was hanging in a loose ponytail, short locks peeking out from between the ribbon she had tied her hair together with. Claire stumbled into the kitchen, finding Kaylee sitting at the table with a big mug of steaming tea. Claire sat down next to her, yawned, and took in Kaylee's stance. She was staring at her hands, circling the spoon in an indefinite, constant motion. It surprised Claire that Kaylee wasn't all noisy and active, like she usually was in the morning – and at night, and during the rest of the day. Kaylee looked up when Claire cleared her throat.

'Hey, I didn't hear you come in,' she said with a blank expression, completely in her own world.

Claire leaned into her hand, elbow on the table. 'Got something on your mind you wanna talk about?'

Kaylee shrugged. But after two more seconds of making little whirlpools in her flavored water, she stopped and said, 'I may have a tiny problem. Huge, actually.'

Claire waited for her answer, thoughtlessly biting her dark-blue nail polish off of her nails.

'I think I started liking Joe again.'

'So? Weren't we passed that fact a _long _time ago?' She let her voice dramatically linger at "long".

'And he's not even close to liking me.'

'Oh please,' Claire snorted. 'You guys are all over each other. You're practically a married couple.'

Kaylee shot her a dark, serious look. 'There's a difference between liking someone as a friend and liking someone as a..' It took her a while to come up with the right word. '..potential lover.' She pronounced the two words as if they described a wavering, unknown object out of deep space.

'Duh. And you two obviously crossed the line to potential lover, got lost in madly in love, and ended up stranded in the abyss of happily ever after with no return.' Claire smiled proudly.

Kaylee breathed in and spit out two words. 'Ashley Greene.' The look on her face was recognizable for someone who had just thrown up, and then eaten their own vomit.

Claire's mouth formed a surprised "O". 'Right. I forgot about that one. I can't believe he's still with her.' After a minute of silence, she added, 'Yup, you may have a tiny problem. Huge, actually.'

Kaylee sighed, looking worn-out. Claire narrowed her eyes and said, 'You know what, it's not a problem at all. I sincerely know you two like each other. It's so obvious.'

'As obvious as you liking Nick and him liking you back?'

That hit a nerve. 'What? Don't change the subject. I'm gonna go up to Joe and ask him what's his problem with that Twilight-girl.' This was nothing like the usual Claire, but something inside of her demanded action.

'Don't talk about her that way. If she's with Joe, she's probably nice. And I know you don't have the guts to start a conversation with Joe, let alone about Ashley.'

'Watch me.'

They didn't have time to argue more, because Joe and Nick showed up in the doorway. One look at her shirt made Joe grin and yell: 'Road Dogs Ruff Ruff!' The mood was lightened, but Kaylee's smile was still awkward. Nick just frowned in silence and turned to make breakfast. Claire kept her eyes on Nick's back, wondering why she was feeling so off all of a sudden.

How in the world am I going to get _Joe_ to talk to _me_ about his _girlfriend_, Claire kept asking herself while she made her way downstairs. She'd thrown on something more decent: a blue top she used as a dress and a polka dot legging. Her dark-blue converse sneakers squeaked against the surface as she descended down the steps.

She was desperately coming up with a way to approach Joe – casual yet straight-forward – and then making him confess about Ashley Greene. Maybe working some advices in along the way about how him and Kaylee were a perfect match.

Claire rounded the corner to the kitchen, her eyes on one point in front of her. Kaylee and Joe were sitting outside on the bench together, which made it easier to approach Joe. After all, he still was Joe Jonas, the charming guy that had the effect of causing that whenever you opened your mouth nothing but a squeal came out.

Claire had been so busy with coming up with something to say to him, she hadn't even noticed Nick. She jumped when he appeared out of nowhere and put his hand on her shoulder. His touch was gentle, but the pressure of his skin on hers gave way for an uncomfortable current. His fingertips were cold. She stared at his hand in surprise, and he pulled it away without a word.

'I was looking for you,' Nick said.

Claire glanced at Joe and Kaylee, and then back at the boy in front of her. It dawned to her that it was completely inappropriate what she had been planning to do. She barely knew Joe, and asking him about his girlfriend was none of her business. That was just out of line. Nick, however, was a whole other story. It was safe to ask him.

'Um, this is going to sound really strange. But has Joe mentioned anything to you about – maybe, perhaps, sort of, kinda – liking Kaylee? In a different way than.. ..usual.'

Nick looked distracted, his eyes staring at a random spot on his right. He breathed out. 'Not that I know about. They've always had a strong bond. What exactly do you mean?'

Claire ran her tongue across her lips, thinking. 'Nothing. I was just curious.' She peeked outside. 'Was there anything you wanted to talk to me about?'

It took Nick a second to reply, slowly shaking his head. He smiled up at her and stepped around her, away from the direction Claire had been heading. He had come a few steps when he suddenly turned – an indescribable look in his eyes – and held his hand hovering in the air; as if he could keep Claire in place with invisible strings.

'Actually, there is something. I'm having an Administration concert here in L.A. in a week and I thought you might want to come. I could get you a free ticket.'

A flash of something unknown made its way through Claire's stomach. Nerves. Something else settled into the back of her mind. Satisfaction. 'Wow, that would be amazing. Thanks.' She tried to remain calm on the outside, secretly cheering inside.

'And about Kaylee and Joe; he usually talks to me all the time about girls, but with Kaylee.. I guess he never told me how he feels about her. Maybe a night alone will help them figure things out.'

Claire nodded, suddenly not that interested in Joe and Kaylee anymore, and watched him go. She hadn't noticed she was still standing in the same exact spot staring at the door he'd left through until Joe walked past. He gave her a silent "Hi" and a big smile. Kaylee followed after three more seconds.

'Hey, I saw you were talking to Nick.'

Claire nodded vaguely. 'I'm trying to come up with something to wear to his concert.'

'Oh, yeah, he told me 'bout the concert. I guess this is gonna be your first official date then, huh?'

'If you consider a date to be with a hundred of his fans, then yes.'

Kaylee laughed.

'Yep. And you and Joe will have the house to yourself practically all night. I guess that would be a date then too, huh?' There was a hint of mockery in her tone.

Kaylee's smile faded – her expression priceless – and showed up on Claire's face instead.

The sound of laughter came floating across the room towards Claire. Joe was showing Kaylee the Youtube video of the "double rainbow" remix for the millionth time. Claire turned the TV volume up and rolled her eyes. Nick had been upstairs again for the entire day, probably working on yet another new song. Claire wasn't paying attention to the images flashing by on the screen in front of her, the noises drowning out. She glanced at the two over her shoulder.

"It's so bright, so vivid. It's starting out as a triple rainbow!"

Joe was moving his lips along with the words, motioning his hands into half a circle. It was just like he'd done in the live chat, only now Claire was right there in the room with him. It felt the same. At the word "triple", both Joe and Kaylee laughingly put up three fingers. It felt like deja-vu, or a dream you finally remembered. Claire sighed. Like seeing something and you're not sure if it's reality or if you're sleeping. She turned away from them and stared out the window. It had been a week since her and Kaylee had arrived in L.A., and if felt like just another summer break. She couldn't believe she was already used to Joe and Nick's presence. Though "used to" wasn't the word Claire would use, more like "comfortable" and "less nervous". There was never a "getting used to" a Jonas Brother. And there would never be a forgetting either.

Whispers were heard in the back of the room, but Claire ignored them. Until Kaylee shoved back her chair and crossed the room to where Claire was sitting. She took one look at the TV and faked an over-dramatic yawn. Claire kept her eyes on the screen as Joe casually sat down next to her.

'Kaylee told me you have a thing for Nick,' Joe said playfully, controlling his voice.

'What?' Claire asked, her voice shotting up a few hundred octaves. That had been the exact reaction to the last time Kaylee had mentioned Nick and her in one sentence. Kaylee laughed at her tone, but Claire didn't see the humor in this particular remark and gave her a death glare.

'And I heard you were going to his concert tonight,' Joe continued. When he saw Claire was getting frustrated, he quickly added, 'I'm just saying, if you want anything to happen, you should act tonight. Just thought I'd give you a little advice.'

Claire looked at Kaylee. She was staring at Joe; her expression frozen, lost in thoughts. Claire focused on the TV and replayed Joe's "advice" in her mind. She wasn't sure if she wanted anything to happen, and if so, working up the nerve to take initiative with Nick didn't top her list. _She_'d tried to kiss him once, _he_'d tried to kiss her once. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. But why was she feeling like tornadoes invaded her stomach every time he smiled at her then?

Why was it so necessary for it to happen tonight? And for _what _to happen exactly? Claire didn't feel like asking Joe. Her thoughts crossed to little less than a week ago when she'd wanted to ask Joe about Ashley Greene – somehow desperate for action between Joe and Kaylee – and Claire realized something that bothered her to end of extreme. It hadn't been action she'd wanted between Joe and Kaylee, but between her and her feelings. It was about confronting her feelings. Feelings suddenly everyone in this house knew about, except for the one person they were pointed towards.

Something big was going to happen, and both Claire and Kaylee knew it was going to happen the night of the concert. It was inevitable.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 24, Your Biggest Fan**

Nick let the screams wash over him and pull him under. The anticipation to the song he'd just announced was dripping down the walls in thick bursts. Waves of excitement were slowly creeping up his skin and rippled through his mind. The sound of his fans had become a soothing symphony over the years, something that made him realize he had everything he could ever possibly wish for. Your life being a constant performance could get tough here and there, and in the past he would have freaked out and clutched onto reality with a grip strong enough to snap someone's neck. Not now though; reality was firm by his side, surreality spreading out in front of him. Today in the form of this crowd. Since he was in L.A. for the whole summer anyway, he'd promised his fans a concert. Plus, he had been hoping it could get his mind off of things going on in his "reality" at the moment. In other words, Claire. Her name brought with it a surge of expectations for the night. He knew it had been stupid of him to ask her to the concert – since he purposely had planned the concert in the first place to forget about her – but there was no going back now. The show was coming to an end, and up to now he had managed pretty well in keeping his focus on the crowd. But now that his blood was pumping and his heart was beating at an abnormal rate, his consciousness skipped to the thing that had been lingering at the edges of his mind for the past week. His eyes searched the front rows of the crowd – the back was unable to see because of the lights shining down on him – and swept across the faces. She was definitely up front, he'd made sure of that. A second later, her face came into his view. Her eyes were closed, expression serene. She blended in perfectly with all the other fans, while at the same time she was unable to get past. It was like the moon among stars. It was unbelievable how a year ago, he wouldn't have noticed her in the crowd, and now he couldn't _not_ notice her.

He quickly looked away when he realized he was staring.

Nick turned around, his back to the fans, and shook his head to get back into the vibe of the song. He didn't know how it had happened – falling for Claire – but it had happened anyway. Without a warning, and without a second chance he'd gotten caught up in her presence. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt. The instinct of taking care of her freely took over whenever she was near, and there was absolutely no fighting it. The pain in her eyes when she spoke of her father made it hard for him not to cross the distance and hold her tight. It felt so natural when they were together, like they'd met years ago instead of months. Nick had been firmly resisting the gravitational pull towards her, but it was getting more difficult with every day. There was no doubt tonight though, not a cloud in the sky, his intentions set in place.

And in that second everything became clear.

The screams rose to an indefinite ear-piercing level as Nick introduced one of many fans' favorite songs: Stay. The lights went down and faded to a vague blue, casting a ghostly, almost alienating, shadow across everyone's faces. Claire was the only one who didn't scream. She was here for the music, and she felt like it was disrespectful to make it inaudible. She closed her eyes to shut the drumming noise of all the squeaking girls in the crowd out, and opened them again when the first notes were played. Nick had turned around, his back to the fans, completely emerging in his own music. The screams were still at a top level, his back causing enough commotion to shake the place. The band played the intro until Nick turned back around, his expression serious and focused. He stepped forward, gliding towards the microphone, and sang the first words; clear, bright and beautiful:

'Hard to believe, where we are know. Your hand in mine, babe, feels right somehow.'

The blue light created a mysterious facade, the rest of his body plunged into a complete shadow.

He held one hand on the microphone and the other on the microphone stand. Claire swallowed back a lump in her throat. He was perfect.

'The night is so still, so don't make a sound. It's almost perfect, baby, so promise you'll never look down.'

He slowly moved his hands around the microphone and closed his eyes. Claire could have sworn every girl's heart just melted that instant.

'We've had our past, I know. Lets leave that behind. None of it lasts, oh no, all that we have is tonight.'

Then he gripped the microphone stand tightly, his eyes still closed, and kicked into chorus.

''Cause you're not the only one who's ever felt this way. Don't let the world cave in. Just _tell_ me that you'll stay.'

He began to sway around, his arms slightly outstretched. It sounded like he meant every single word he sang, pulling out memories from the bottom of his heart.

'Now that the pain is done, no need to be afraid. We don't have time to waste. Just _tell_ me that you'll stay. Oooohooohooh.'

His eyes were still closed, perhaps imagining something or someone, forgetting about the girls in the audience screaming his name at the top of their lungs. The band continued the music, waiting for Nick's sign. He opened his eyes and forcefully took off his cardigan; causing a flourish of squeaks and supposed comments. Then he squinted up into the spotlight, and started singing again.

'Beautiful, one of a kind. You're something special, baby. And you don't even realize, that you're my hearts desire. All that I needed and more. I know you're scared, but I'll promise that I'm not who I was before.'

His always-present intensity was clearer than ever, graspable, and almost withing reach.

After the second chorus, he gave the band time to play and slowly moved to the music. Then he took the microphone, threw the microphone stand away, and started singing again in a rough voice. He pulled on his white v-neck shirt, exposing some of his chest, and a wave of rising shrieks. He dropped to his knees, singing like there was no tomorrow, and pounded the floor with his fist. He carelessly held one hight note as the lights reflected in his teary eyes.

The band played out the song, giving him time to get back up and cool down. He looked out at the crowd with gratitude in his eyes, his stance firm.

That was when Claire started to scream along with the others in the crowd, louder than the rest. A girl next to her dramatically stared at her with annoyance, but Claire didn't care. She wanted Nick to notice her, to recognize her. She wanted him to look at her, smile, wink, make others jealous.

But that was too much to ask.

Nick thanked the crowd multiple times and went off stage, leaving Claire with a racing heart and a sore throat.

There was a man waiting for Claire at the entrance, just like Nick had said.

'You must be Claire.' She nodded.

Claire followed him to the very back, through a large black door, where she was led across a bright hallway filled with doors. After taking a quick right and then a left, the man pointed politely at the third door to the left saying "Nick Jonas".

'Here's your destination, lady,' the man said with a big smirk. Claire smiled at him, wondering if she was missing some sort of inside joke, and hesitantly opened the door. Nick was sitting on a bed, patting his face with a white towel . He looked up when she closed the door and a bright smile flashed across his face.

Claire lifted one hand and mouthed a shy "hi".

For some reason, she was feeling extremely uncomfortable. Maybe it was the unknown setting. Maybe it was the fact that she felt more like a fan girl than she'd felt in a long time around Nick. She was Claire Porter, the fan with a meet & greet, and he was Nick Jonas, the boy to which the closest she'd ever been was a poster hanging in her room.

Nick stood up, threw the towel on the bed, and took a gulp out of the water bottle on the table.

'Did you have fun?' was the first thing he asked. He moved his hand through his wet hair, curls being pushed back and then flopping back. One curl stuck to his sweaty forehead.

'You were amazing,' Claire said without a thought, quickly adding, 'I mean, I had a lot of fun.' She looked around, feeling out of place. The lasting silence was awkward. When she focused back on Nick, he had his eyes on her, a smile tugging on his lips.

'I'm glad you came,' he said. 'It means a lot.'

Claire shrugged indifferently. She was still a little tense, but something in his eyes made her shoulders relax. She stepped forward, past Nick, and thoughtlessly ran her fingers across the surface of the table. The wall behind the table had a mirror and in the reflection she could see Nick's eyes tracing her fingers' path before flickering up at her face again. She turned around, now close enough to see the drops of water at the curve of his jaw, the muscles in his neck, the moisture trickling down his white v-neck shirt to his chest. Her nostrils flared and a faint smell of anxious sweat mixed with dry deodorant crept up her nose. She had to control herself from burying her face into his skin and stay there until she was used to the odor.

Instead, Claire blurted out, 'I'm your biggest fan, you know.' It came out of nowhere, and she was utterly surprised by it herself. She searched his eyes for some sort of rejection, but he gave her a smile from ear to ear.

'I know.' It was as simple as that. He knew. In an instant, all Claire's fears of acting like a crazed fan girl had been wiped off the surface of the earth. Just like that.

Nick casually glanced down at her outfit. She'd dressed classy for the night: black jacket, white top, black skirt with big white dots, black and white patterned legging, and black Birkenstocks. Kaylee had sacrificed an entire day to help her pick it out.

'You look gorgeous,' Nick said in a rough voice, his eyes sparkling.

Claire turned flaming red, and managed to stutter out a low "thanks".

Out of nowhere, a faint, buzzing noise started echoing through the hallway. It took Claire a while to understand: the sound of a hundred screaming, impatient fans outside. It took them both out of their trance, their heads turning towards where it was seemingly coming from. When Claire looked back up at Nick, her eyes reflected panic. Almost unnoticeable, he slipped his hand around hers, gently holding on with loose fingers.

'Wanna get out of here?,' he said in an anxious tone. 'I know a place where stars shine brightest.'


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 25, Drive**

The screams got louder as Nick and Claire made their way through the hall. She didn't even want to imagine how it would sound outside. They were following Big Rob, heading to the back exit. They rounded the corner and the screams suddenly got muffled. The door at the end of the hall was most likely free of fans. Claire smirked both at the fact that they were avoiding them like a mob of paparazzi and that it was so easily done. No one would suspect a thing.

The sound of the fans got drowned out as the exit came into view. Claire was walking ahead of Nick, down the narrow hallway. He kept his eyes on her back, wondering about the things on his mind at the moment. He wasn't sure what he was expecting of the upcoming night, about taking her to a place where they were all alone, and he definitely wasn't sure about his feelings.

Nick wasn't sure about a lot of things, except one.

Claire turned her head back towards him and flashed him a reassuring grin. It hit him like a ton of bricks. He was sure he wanted to get closer to her.

He wanted to take her hand, like he'd briefly done in the dressing room. He wanted to hold her tight and never let go. He wanted to-

His thoughts got interrupted by Big Rob opening the exit door, letting in a waft of fresh air. His train of thoughts got clouded as he headed into the chilly night.

The car door opened, and Claire slid into the seat next to Nick. She blew a warm breath into her hands as he started the engine. Nick flexed his jaw, muscles tense.

'Maybe I should just bring you home. It's late and it's cold.'

Claire looked over at him with wide, surprised eyes. 'I can handle a little cold.'

'It's still late. It's getting dark and Kaylee and Joe are probably worried about where we are.'

She sighed and stared out in front of her. He wasn't sure if she was looking at the window itself or past it at the road ahead.

'No they're not.' She glanced at the clock. 'Let's get going. We've got time.'

Nick studied her face for signs of.. anything that showed she didn't want to be alone with him.

'Claire, I think it's best if-'

She cut him off, voice loud and clear. The determined look in her eyes made sure she didn't have to say it twice.

'_Drive._'

Nick's '68 Ford Mustang Cobra sped up, racing past all the green lights. Claire had no idea where they were going. For all she knew Nick didn't even have a destination in mind. She didn't care. It felt superior enough just sitting in his bad-ass car. Claire focused on Nick, his eyes steady on the road.

Out of his peripheral vision Nick saw Claire's head turn his way, and he glanced at her. The night was full, the moon bright and strong, high in the sky, and the moonlight reflected in her eyes. She'd been quiet throughout the entire ride, and they were almost there. Nick coughed.

'Are you okay?'

Claire gave him a warm smile and looked away without an answer. A second later she reached for the radio and put it on. The song "Drive My Car" by The Beatles started playing in the background. Nick grinned at the irony of the song right now. He thought back to when he'd covered this song with his brothers at the tribute to Paul McCartney at the White House. Claire softly sang along, knowing all the words.

Nick slammed the car door and skipped around the car to open Claire's. She thanked him shyly and stepped out. The night was unusually still and devoid of wind, it wasn't as cold as expected. Nick scooted onto the hood of his car and patted the spot beside him, watching as Claire made her way next to him.

'You're right,' she said with eyes on the sky. 'The stars really do shine brightest here. It's breathtaking.'

He murmured a vague "Hm-hm", his eyes permanently fixed on Claire. The stars weren't the ones who left him breathless.

Claire blew out some air and watched her breath swirl into a white cloud before dissolving. Millions of stars lit up the sky, and thousands of lights lit up the windows in the houses below, but no light reached them here. It was quiet and peaceful. She looked up at Nick, finding his eyes on hers. It dawned to her how many times they'd been in this position – alone, motionless, _close enough to kiss_ – it almost felt like deja-vu. It was as if fate kept pushing them towards each other, and they'd end up in the same situation no matter what they did or how much they tried to avoid one another. This wasn't how Claire had planned it to turn out; her life. If someone had asked her a year ago how she thought her life would have looked like now, she would have said something like "Still a desperate Jonas Brothers fan. Still that girl with no father and a miserable social life."

But somehow, somewhere, someone had decided to give her a second chance. And now an utterly crucial moment had arrived; she was sitting next to Nick Jonas, waiting for something to push her into the decision that was now spooking around her mind.

But she still couldn't, and broke away from his deep, brown eyes.

'Have you ever relied on your emotions, without thinking something through?' she asked him.

'Here and there. I think about my actions, I just never think twice.'

She snorted. 'That helps.'

_Drip._ One single raindrop ran down her nose. _Drip drip. _

A second later, the rain was coming down buckets at a time. Nick groaned and moved to the side, planning to head back into the car, but Claire caught his arm.

'Wait,' she said through a mouthful of water. She could already feel her clothes getting soaked. 'Lets stay. Lets talk.'

He relaxed beside her, but he was squinting against the heavy downpour. 'About what? Catching a cold?' His tone was mocking.

'Maybe. Maybe I just feel like sitting in the rain with you.'

His expression changed. 'You're crazy. _And_ you're crying.' A smile pulled on one side of his lips.

'No way,' Claire said with a frown, and wiped one finger across the length beneath her eye. An alarmingly big amount of mascara was smudged on the tip of her index finger. 'Oh please.'

Nick chuckled, and reached out with one hand. She held perfectly still while his fingers stroked away the smears. Her heart started racing as soon as his fingers made contact, and she knew he could feel it too. The effect he had on her was immense; flushed cheeks, warm skin, fluttering eyelashes, beating time-bomb in her chest, sweaty hands. She just couldn't help herself.

But neither could he.

He moved the hand that was lingering near her cheek in a way that it was cupping her jaw. Then he slowly but certain leaned closer, without taking his eyes off of hers. He hesitated less than an inch away from her lips, maybe waiting for her rejection, and matched his breaths with hers. Rain was ticking down on them, soaking them to the bone.

And then he gently pressed his soft lips against hers, his lips faintly tasting like salt and water.

A second later, he already started pulling away. But Claire reacted like a magnet, moving along with him. She needed this kiss, with every inch of her body. Her hands reached around his neck and her nails dug into the wet curls at the back of his head. Nick copied her reaction, pulling her closer.

The rain turned into more rain; the kiss turned into more kiss.


End file.
